Haven't written an entry in over a month - whoa dude! This is what my life has consisted of lately (and if you look closely, you can see my pink & black headbands in the same row with my friend Hong-An in the pink shirt! This is our Neuro exam & yes, Stanford provided us with the rows and rows of MacBook Pros...too much)
There's so much I COULD write about - it's currently 4:38 in the morning & I can't sleep. I've gotten used to the finals schedule and can't get off of my screwed-up sleep/wake cycle just yet. EFFFF I hope this resolves itself soon. There have been boy problems, a lot of interesting life revelations especially the past 2/3 days, and general updates galore. BUT...my brain hurts. So this update is just a "Hey! I'm still alive" one - a real one with actual content to come soon :)
<3
Showing posts with label Stanford. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stanford. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Quick Updates
Ehh...life is seriously picking up the pace. We're entering crunch time now in classes & I am trying to be as studious as I know how and reviewing with lots of Winter Quarter experts.
I missed a meeting today with the director of the MoM program, gahh! I hate missing meetings :( I don't know that I've ever completely missed a meeting I intended to go to? Luckily he had extra time in the afternoon. It wasn't exactly a stress-free meeting - he asked why I was rotating this quarter since everyone is so busy and complains a lot about the amount of work we have. It's hard because I guess I got used to the FF/Honors style of doing things, where you knew exactly what to do and if you didn't, you always knew who would have the answers. That hasn't really been the case thus far, which is frustrating :( I really wish I had more communication with my home department and/or more general direction...
...and lab. Oh lab! I think the love affair might be over - I feel like I'm working REALLY hard in this lab on top of all my school work but I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not this is the right fit for me as a graduate student. I was proud of myself today for finally finishing a big part of the data analysis but when I sent it to my PI, the response was not "Here are some suggestions, keep up the good work!" but "Here are 9 more things to do." I'm not sure he read the email I sent him? Some of the things he told me to do were things that I told him I needed to do in the email...I absolutely love the research & the approach we're taking but there are some things I am starting to hear from the lab members and styles of communication that are concerning to me, especially considering this for the long haul. I'm excited to see how my next rotation goes w/ Max Diehn in the spring, he's very laidback but knowledgeable and explains things clearly. He also is housed in the newest building on the med school campus - the Lokey Stem Cell Center, which is apparently a good sign according to some fellow grad students. Can't wait! I also can't wait for Spring quarter in general: more time (!), fewer classes (!!), better weather (!!!). Right now, it sounds like a dream :)
It's frustrating to me because the more I learn about new things, the more I really love research and the idea of research. BUT I can't seem to find a lab with that "it" factor: an invested mentor, a pretty interesting project, and a good composition of lab members. Such a tough task! I'm 100% ready and willing to spend long nights in lab...I kinda love that stuff? I just wish I had the time to do it and the right mentor/lab to do it with.
'tis all, time to study! <3 <3
I missed a meeting today with the director of the MoM program, gahh! I hate missing meetings :( I don't know that I've ever completely missed a meeting I intended to go to? Luckily he had extra time in the afternoon. It wasn't exactly a stress-free meeting - he asked why I was rotating this quarter since everyone is so busy and complains a lot about the amount of work we have. It's hard because I guess I got used to the FF/Honors style of doing things, where you knew exactly what to do and if you didn't, you always knew who would have the answers. That hasn't really been the case thus far, which is frustrating :( I really wish I had more communication with my home department and/or more general direction...
...and lab. Oh lab! I think the love affair might be over - I feel like I'm working REALLY hard in this lab on top of all my school work but I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not this is the right fit for me as a graduate student. I was proud of myself today for finally finishing a big part of the data analysis but when I sent it to my PI, the response was not "Here are some suggestions, keep up the good work!" but "Here are 9 more things to do." I'm not sure he read the email I sent him? Some of the things he told me to do were things that I told him I needed to do in the email...I absolutely love the research & the approach we're taking but there are some things I am starting to hear from the lab members and styles of communication that are concerning to me, especially considering this for the long haul. I'm excited to see how my next rotation goes w/ Max Diehn in the spring, he's very laidback but knowledgeable and explains things clearly. He also is housed in the newest building on the med school campus - the Lokey Stem Cell Center, which is apparently a good sign according to some fellow grad students. Can't wait! I also can't wait for Spring quarter in general: more time (!), fewer classes (!!), better weather (!!!). Right now, it sounds like a dream :)
It's frustrating to me because the more I learn about new things, the more I really love research and the idea of research. BUT I can't seem to find a lab with that "it" factor: an invested mentor, a pretty interesting project, and a good composition of lab members. Such a tough task! I'm 100% ready and willing to spend long nights in lab...I kinda love that stuff? I just wish I had the time to do it and the right mentor/lab to do it with.
'tis all, time to study! <3 <3
Friday, January 28, 2011
Oy
I would like a sex schedule from the people upstairs. Seriously. You're actually causing items in my room to shake, this is way too vigorous. When is it okay to go upstairs & knock? Really want to move off campus, I need to find an old lady to live with...that would be more up my alley.
In other news, stayed home today from class & lab to get over whatever flu-ish thing I have going right now. I feel mostly better, with the exception of quick changes in body temperature & a little bit of head weirdness. Drinking a carton of OJ, sleeping, taking NyQuil, watching Woody Allen movies, & eating Jamaican food from my favorite new restaurant Backayard make for a not so bad sick day. There is also the cutest guy who works at Backayard, too bad I just noticed today and totally walked in non-made up & all flulike. Gahh! He's probably in high school or something but still delightful eye candy ;)
Ehh I'm running out of energy to think of other relevant/interesting things that have happened to me this week. I applied for a TA position for the summer - hopefully I'll get it so I can make some dolla dolla bills, work with Dani as the 2 Cancer Bio TA's, and help out refreshingly naive & ambitious high schoolers. I should find out Tuesday! Tracy Yang will also be here, staying with me and Amanda this weekend & interviewing for med school on Monday. Hopefully I won't be too sick and/or too boring with a midterm and a presentation next week...
Time for Oatmeal Cookie Chunk! (Currently experiencing a hot flash, inevitably to be followed by me freezing...) This is the best ice cream known to mankind...I even bonded with the cashier in Safeway over it. <3 <3
In other news, stayed home today from class & lab to get over whatever flu-ish thing I have going right now. I feel mostly better, with the exception of quick changes in body temperature & a little bit of head weirdness. Drinking a carton of OJ, sleeping, taking NyQuil, watching Woody Allen movies, & eating Jamaican food from my favorite new restaurant Backayard make for a not so bad sick day. There is also the cutest guy who works at Backayard, too bad I just noticed today and totally walked in non-made up & all flulike. Gahh! He's probably in high school or something but still delightful eye candy ;)
Ehh I'm running out of energy to think of other relevant/interesting things that have happened to me this week. I applied for a TA position for the summer - hopefully I'll get it so I can make some dolla dolla bills, work with Dani as the 2 Cancer Bio TA's, and help out refreshingly naive & ambitious high schoolers. I should find out Tuesday! Tracy Yang will also be here, staying with me and Amanda this weekend & interviewing for med school on Monday. Hopefully I won't be too sick and/or too boring with a midterm and a presentation next week...
Time for Oatmeal Cookie Chunk! (Currently experiencing a hot flash, inevitably to be followed by me freezing...) This is the best ice cream known to mankind...I even bonded with the cashier in Safeway over it. <3 <3
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Weekend Update
1. Graffiti Party on Friday - so much fun!! Basically everyone wore a white shirt and then we wrote all over each other with highlighters & gel pens and such. There was a preparty/pregame (my lingo is changing gahhhh Stanford) in Lizzy's room, who is one of the 1st year MD ladies. It was so much fun hanging out with that group of girls, I got to learn more about makeup from Casey/Simone (the girls that Alison & I want to incorporate into an awesome quartet!!) & drink Liquoraguan Death Mix (a potent combination of champagne, vodka, and sugar-free Red Bull. whoa dude) What an amazing Friday night
2. Saturday, I went to PureMovement which was a dance performance that was awesome!! And free, which only added to the awesomeness. The dancers were incredible and the guys' bodies were amazing. Such good eye candy ;)
3. Today, I went to a potluck with lots of delicious goodies & now I'm trying to be productive and get most of the things done on my to-do list for today. I'm doing pretty well so far ;)
Overall, a nicely balanced weekend with equal parts of fun and productivity. Here's to starting the week off right!
<3
2. Saturday, I went to PureMovement which was a dance performance that was awesome!! And free, which only added to the awesomeness. The dancers were incredible and the guys' bodies were amazing. Such good eye candy ;)
3. Today, I went to a potluck with lots of delicious goodies & now I'm trying to be productive and get most of the things done on my to-do list for today. I'm doing pretty well so far ;)
Overall, a nicely balanced weekend with equal parts of fun and productivity. Here's to starting the week off right!
<3
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
1.11.11.
One of my classmates made the astute observation that we only have more year when we'll get this repeating date phenomenon (although technically, he should have waited until November to say such a thing). I mean, until the year 3000. Which I probably won't be around then & I'm thinking you guys won't either. Sad that there's no 13th month so we can keep this thing going. So sad, I'll miss it.
The New Things:
I really don't enjoy when people call me a bitch. Even jokingly. One of my friends did that today in class and it bothered me. Which is weird, bc I think it's really funny when someone says something about another person/group of people & I get to say "betch/betches". I don't know why the word "bitch" sounds so much harsher than saying "betch". Mean Girls maybe?
We've coined this new term here at Stanford, "sniper". Similar to gunner but different in one very important way - a sniper keeps his/her lofty study goals private. My goal this quarter? To be a sniper. I don't want to be hypercompetitive in the least but I really want to stay on top of everything this quarter - I've been trying to pre-read for lectures and take lots of notes in class and go a little bit above and beyond to make sure I'm doing well this quarter. Jasmaine = sniper until further notice...
I've been watching Bones as my newest NetFlix obsession!
Anatomy of the head and neck is not as disturbing as I anticipated. We dissected most of the scalp & around the eyes today...it helps that the eyes look nothing like a living human being's eyes. Doesn't help that our man has stubble...it humanizes him just a little bit too much. Still, it's very interesting. Especially with my dad having Bell's Palsy right now, I care about the facial nerve (Cranial Nerve VII dudes) just a little bit more than I would normally.
I think that's it? Really excited for the long weekend. Might be going up to Berkeley to hang out on Sunday. There's a party this weekend too (apparently, there's a party every weekend this quarter) but I think I might need to get some rest in. We'll see.
LATA DUDES
The New Things:
I really don't enjoy when people call me a bitch. Even jokingly. One of my friends did that today in class and it bothered me. Which is weird, bc I think it's really funny when someone says something about another person/group of people & I get to say "betch/betches". I don't know why the word "bitch" sounds so much harsher than saying "betch". Mean Girls maybe?
We've coined this new term here at Stanford, "sniper". Similar to gunner but different in one very important way - a sniper keeps his/her lofty study goals private. My goal this quarter? To be a sniper. I don't want to be hypercompetitive in the least but I really want to stay on top of everything this quarter - I've been trying to pre-read for lectures and take lots of notes in class and go a little bit above and beyond to make sure I'm doing well this quarter. Jasmaine = sniper until further notice...
I've been watching Bones as my newest NetFlix obsession!
Anatomy of the head and neck is not as disturbing as I anticipated. We dissected most of the scalp & around the eyes today...it helps that the eyes look nothing like a living human being's eyes. Doesn't help that our man has stubble...it humanizes him just a little bit too much. Still, it's very interesting. Especially with my dad having Bell's Palsy right now, I care about the facial nerve (Cranial Nerve VII dudes) just a little bit more than I would normally.
I think that's it? Really excited for the long weekend. Might be going up to Berkeley to hang out on Sunday. There's a party this weekend too (apparently, there's a party every weekend this quarter) but I think I might need to get some rest in. We'll see.
LATA DUDES
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Lessons for 2011
#1 I'm back in Palo Alto!!! So much stuff to get done today, but overall I'm happy to be back & I'm happy when I see my faves here...this is a good sign & very promising for this quarter
#2 It's freaking 2011!! It takes me approximately 6 months to adjust to writing the next year when I write the date so by June, I'll be comfortable with this year. Then the year changes so quickly...so dificil
#3 Seeing all my Georgia faves was amazing...really rejuvenating (though that also could have been the 10+ hours of sleep I was getting at home). Even though I absolutely adore a few people out here, I don't know that I've really adjusted to being my full jazzy self (read this as a general adjective similar to excited or enthused & not as a specific reference to Jasmaine Denice Williams, as I am categorically less jazzy with all the work here) with everyone here. There are so many strange things I do or like to say & I can't pull them all out of the box at once...or else I'm sure one of my MD friends would diagnose me with some sort of psychiatric illness (issue?) I miss the people at home, but I don't think I miss living in Georgia.
SOOOO resolutions for this year: (Everyone says they don't make them, but everyone does b/c why wouldn't you try to make this year better than the last??)
1. Pre-read for every class, no exceptions. Even if I'm exhausted. I really want to stay on top of things this quarter.
2. Asleep by 12:30 every night
3. Exercise of some sort...? My google searches over the break ranged from relatively expensive gym memberships in Palo Alto to hip hop classes to yoga classes to pole dancing classes...decisions have not been made on this front. Either way, I think I need to get out of my room more. I had a surprising thought to start working out early in the mornings before class, which caught me completely off-guard. If I do well with #2, maybe this will be possible?
4. Make a budget! (Shoutout to E.Hollz for the mint.com tip) I did okay last quarter...somehow I never end up broke (excluding first semester of freshman year) which is amazing, considering I never think about how much I'm spending. I want to try to save a little moola for when I move into an apartment so I can buy furniture & stuffz
5. Make a list of all the important people in my life that I need to keep in touch with & rotate through the list every couple of days to talk to all of those people. Horrible...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e....HORRIBLE job at staying in contact last year, but I think it would have been entirely too overwhelming for me personally to try and do that. This quarter, my whole goal is "school/life balance". Constantly a work in progress...
6. Take vitamins (with a nice, nutritious breakfast since I'll be nice & well-rested)! Since the lady told me I could be screwing up my liver with taking iron tablets, I'm ceasing those. But I'll probably take omega-3's, ginkgo (maybe? I think my memory is getting worse but I don't want my blood to get all thin & whatnot), B complex, and MAYBE a real woman's vitamin to see how this goes over. I think it might be time to give up on my gummi vites...sad but true :(
7. Flossing.
8. More social time! More fun things & seeing all the cool things there are out here on the West Coast. There's lots of fun stuff planned already, I need to be careful not to overwhelm myself (social situations are so anxiety provoking sometimes!!)
9. Drink more water! (64 oz a day?)
I think that's it? General life balance is what I'm heading for. Every now & then, I have a fleeting interest in finding a cute boy to go on fun dates with but that seems like it would take too much energy. Maybe spring quarter :) After I finish this post, I'm going to make my vision board as the next step in this awesome life process
Slight rant before I continue this positivity movement: FREAKING STANFORD WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! Don't they know I have a credit card bill to pay off!? School supplies to buy!? Groceries to get!? Apparently, their system is "locking up" since I'm enrolled in two degree programs. Um, I'm almost positive I'm not the only one in Stanford history to ever get 2 degrees. WTF!? So mad, I had my whole day planned around making a cute, well-balanced grocery list & going to buy them and my school supplies today after I finished unpacking & making my vision board. #thanksatonLeland
Mmk I think that's it? For those not filled in on the boy information, all previous romantic interests (ranging from 7th grade until now) have been placed in the "Do Not Resuscitate" category (Too early in the quarter for medical jokes?) Miss you all!!!
<3 <3
#2 It's freaking 2011!! It takes me approximately 6 months to adjust to writing the next year when I write the date so by June, I'll be comfortable with this year. Then the year changes so quickly...so dificil
#3 Seeing all my Georgia faves was amazing...really rejuvenating (though that also could have been the 10+ hours of sleep I was getting at home). Even though I absolutely adore a few people out here, I don't know that I've really adjusted to being my full jazzy self (read this as a general adjective similar to excited or enthused & not as a specific reference to Jasmaine Denice Williams, as I am categorically less jazzy with all the work here) with everyone here. There are so many strange things I do or like to say & I can't pull them all out of the box at once...or else I'm sure one of my MD friends would diagnose me with some sort of psychiatric illness (issue?) I miss the people at home, but I don't think I miss living in Georgia.
SOOOO resolutions for this year: (Everyone says they don't make them, but everyone does b/c why wouldn't you try to make this year better than the last??)
1. Pre-read for every class, no exceptions. Even if I'm exhausted. I really want to stay on top of things this quarter.
2. Asleep by 12:30 every night
3. Exercise of some sort...? My google searches over the break ranged from relatively expensive gym memberships in Palo Alto to hip hop classes to yoga classes to pole dancing classes...decisions have not been made on this front. Either way, I think I need to get out of my room more. I had a surprising thought to start working out early in the mornings before class, which caught me completely off-guard. If I do well with #2, maybe this will be possible?
4. Make a budget! (Shoutout to E.Hollz for the mint.com tip) I did okay last quarter...somehow I never end up broke (excluding first semester of freshman year) which is amazing, considering I never think about how much I'm spending. I want to try to save a little moola for when I move into an apartment so I can buy furniture & stuffz
5. Make a list of all the important people in my life that I need to keep in touch with & rotate through the list every couple of days to talk to all of those people. Horrible...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e....HORRIBLE job at staying in contact last year, but I think it would have been entirely too overwhelming for me personally to try and do that. This quarter, my whole goal is "school/life balance". Constantly a work in progress...
6. Take vitamins (with a nice, nutritious breakfast since I'll be nice & well-rested)! Since the lady told me I could be screwing up my liver with taking iron tablets, I'm ceasing those. But I'll probably take omega-3's, ginkgo (maybe? I think my memory is getting worse but I don't want my blood to get all thin & whatnot), B complex, and MAYBE a real woman's vitamin to see how this goes over. I think it might be time to give up on my gummi vites...sad but true :(
7. Flossing.
8. More social time! More fun things & seeing all the cool things there are out here on the West Coast. There's lots of fun stuff planned already, I need to be careful not to overwhelm myself (social situations are so anxiety provoking sometimes!!)
9. Drink more water! (64 oz a day?)
I think that's it? General life balance is what I'm heading for. Every now & then, I have a fleeting interest in finding a cute boy to go on fun dates with but that seems like it would take too much energy. Maybe spring quarter :) After I finish this post, I'm going to make my vision board as the next step in this awesome life process
Slight rant before I continue this positivity movement: FREAKING STANFORD WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! Don't they know I have a credit card bill to pay off!? School supplies to buy!? Groceries to get!? Apparently, their system is "locking up" since I'm enrolled in two degree programs. Um, I'm almost positive I'm not the only one in Stanford history to ever get 2 degrees. WTF!? So mad, I had my whole day planned around making a cute, well-balanced grocery list & going to buy them and my school supplies today after I finished unpacking & making my vision board. #thanksatonLeland
Mmk I think that's it? For those not filled in on the boy information, all previous romantic interests (ranging from 7th grade until now) have been placed in the "Do Not Resuscitate" category (Too early in the quarter for medical jokes?) Miss you all!!!
<3 <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
Ooh also!
Would like to share 2 of my most favorite ads I've seen recently:
"Google can't satisfy every search"
(An ad at some "place of awakening" right up the street, particularly poignant given its location in Palo Alto)
"How would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?"
(An encouraging reminder to turn the lights off when leaving the rooms at Stanford)
With my limited advertising expertise, I give these both an A++ :)
"Google can't satisfy every search"
(An ad at some "place of awakening" right up the street, particularly poignant given its location in Palo Alto)
"How would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?"
(An encouraging reminder to turn the lights off when leaving the rooms at Stanford)
With my limited advertising expertise, I give these both an A++ :)
FALL QUARTER:
Really hard.
Super stressful.
Finally over.
I've been thinking about what I can improve for next quarter but I think I need to take a complete mental break for a couple of days after I go home. Even thoughhhh I asked my PI to give me lots of papers to read & I ordered an 850 page book (The Biology of Cancer) to try and go through over the break...
...ok but seriously, I'm taking a break besides that! I just go crazy at home when there's nothing to do. Can't wait to lounge & see all the people I want to see.
Back to 24 on NetFlix! :)
Super stressful.
Finally over.
I've been thinking about what I can improve for next quarter but I think I need to take a complete mental break for a couple of days after I go home. Even thoughhhh I asked my PI to give me lots of papers to read & I ordered an 850 page book (The Biology of Cancer) to try and go through over the break...
...ok but seriously, I'm taking a break besides that! I just go crazy at home when there's nothing to do. Can't wait to lounge & see all the people I want to see.
Back to 24 on NetFlix! :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
1 exam down...
...2 to go. I think the first one went okay, I'm sending out all my good energy & hoping it comes back to me :) I have to finish my take-home final for genetics today & it's hard to get motivated right now. Somehow this Mike's hard (pink) lemonade ended up in my hands at 3 PM on a Monday? <3
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wahoooooo finals!!!!!!
People keep asking why I'm so cheery this week...I'm tricking myself into believing that finals are the best thing ever!! (Helps with avoiding the opposite feelings, of utter depression)
I'm feeling the good study vibes this week (probably due to all the lovely people I've asked to send good vibes my way, feel free to do this CONSTANTLY) & putting in 8 (...10? 12?) hour blocks of studying so this must be a good thing. I really want to do amazingly well on the exams, I miss that feeling :(
Back to the grind! I <3 FINALS
I'm feeling the good study vibes this week (probably due to all the lovely people I've asked to send good vibes my way, feel free to do this CONSTANTLY) & putting in 8 (...10? 12?) hour blocks of studying so this must be a good thing. I really want to do amazingly well on the exams, I miss that feeling :(
Back to the grind! I <3 FINALS
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Feeling good, feeling great
Today has been a happy day...I was a groucho when I woke up this morning but several things have improved my mental state. We had a talk from a genetic counselor lady in Developmental Biology today about cystic fibrosis. The interesting thing about it (aside from her being a genetic counselor) was that she is 38 and has cystic fibrosis. The average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis patients (as of 2008, I think) is 37. I guess what struck me most about her talk (cuz I was sorta bored in the first half) was how she said "she takes life seriously". Not as in being a serious fun-sucker all the time but with enjoying absolutely every minute, since she expects that she'll die earlier than most people. It really hit home for me...as stressful as grad/med school is right now & as much information as I'm trying to fit in my head, I really should be actively enjoying life & everything around me. It's hard to remember that sometimes but I thought about today.
Teaching Splash this weekend (2 classes of 9th-12th graders, everyone made beautiful vision boards) really helped give me some perspective on how I am perceived rather than just how I perceive myself. They were asking questions like "How did you become successful?" and wanting general advice & it made me realize that I am (somewhat) qualified to answer a lot of those questions. As much as I feel like a complete failure sometimes (not to be self-deprecating, but that is seriously how it feels every now and then), I should appreciate the fact that I have gotten to experience a lot of cool things in my 22 years. I'm going to try to appreciate that more. ALSO got an email from Dr. W (Dr. Williams, Honors Program/Foundation Fellows director for the non-UGA peeps) about serving as a judge for the FF Interview weekend. How crazy!? Good to know that I've left some sort of legacy behind at UGA, though weird that I'm now in a position to "judge" whether other people are qualified for FF. Excited about that!
I'm also really grateful for the friends I have...I've had lots of ups & downs lately and some of my friends are going through downs right now and it's just nice to know that there are certain people I'll always be able to count on & that I hope feel like they can count on me. AND nice to know the people that I shouldn't rely on. I think both are equally important . I've been talking with my friend Alison about it a lot lately (she's probably the person that I'm closest to here & it's nice to be able to be totally weird & go through the ups and downs with someone in a similar educational and social predicament) & it just astounds me how people here can say one thing and act the complete opposite way. There are only so many people you can let into your inner circle & I'm fortunate to have found a special few.
All in all, a pretty good day. Though I have a ton of stuff to get done tonight (!!!) Hip hop class in an hour - off to try and read two papers for genetics before then!
<3
Teaching Splash this weekend (2 classes of 9th-12th graders, everyone made beautiful vision boards) really helped give me some perspective on how I am perceived rather than just how I perceive myself. They were asking questions like "How did you become successful?" and wanting general advice & it made me realize that I am (somewhat) qualified to answer a lot of those questions. As much as I feel like a complete failure sometimes (not to be self-deprecating, but that is seriously how it feels every now and then), I should appreciate the fact that I have gotten to experience a lot of cool things in my 22 years. I'm going to try to appreciate that more. ALSO got an email from Dr. W (Dr. Williams, Honors Program/Foundation Fellows director for the non-UGA peeps) about serving as a judge for the FF Interview weekend. How crazy!? Good to know that I've left some sort of legacy behind at UGA, though weird that I'm now in a position to "judge" whether other people are qualified for FF. Excited about that!
I'm also really grateful for the friends I have...I've had lots of ups & downs lately and some of my friends are going through downs right now and it's just nice to know that there are certain people I'll always be able to count on & that I hope feel like they can count on me. AND nice to know the people that I shouldn't rely on. I think both are equally important . I've been talking with my friend Alison about it a lot lately (she's probably the person that I'm closest to here & it's nice to be able to be totally weird & go through the ups and downs with someone in a similar educational and social predicament) & it just astounds me how people here can say one thing and act the complete opposite way. There are only so many people you can let into your inner circle & I'm fortunate to have found a special few.
All in all, a pretty good day. Though I have a ton of stuff to get done tonight (!!!) Hip hop class in an hour - off to try and read two papers for genetics before then!
<3
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
WTF
I'm pretty sure guys think I'm stupid. Just gchatted with Most Recent (Older) Georgia Guy & I think he's fooled himself into believing that he put in 100% effort when I was in GA. And that we're going to be together since he was so good to me. That would be great!
...except he wasn't nice. WTF?! I didn't forget about the millions of times you didn't text me back or do what you said you would when I was in Athens. Unfortunately for you, I'm not slow & not really forgetful. Don't understand men!!!
In other news, I love lab. Poppa Williams is doing okay. Biochem final on Monday. My girls are coming to visit Cali in a couple of weeks!! Finally got my new bookbag in the mail. I won a $50 iTunes gift card! Most of those things (i.e, not the biochem final but everything else)=Happy Jazz. Love being happy jazz :)
Off to study AKA make a cheat sheet since that's what our profs want us to do for this final. I think it's silly...I'll post a pic of one of my cheat sheets when I'm done. It's muy intricate.
<3
...except he wasn't nice. WTF?! I didn't forget about the millions of times you didn't text me back or do what you said you would when I was in Athens. Unfortunately for you, I'm not slow & not really forgetful. Don't understand men!!!
In other news, I love lab. Poppa Williams is doing okay. Biochem final on Monday. My girls are coming to visit Cali in a couple of weeks!! Finally got my new bookbag in the mail. I won a $50 iTunes gift card! Most of those things (i.e, not the biochem final but everything else)=Happy Jazz. Love being happy jazz :)
Off to study AKA make a cheat sheet since that's what our profs want us to do for this final. I think it's silly...I'll post a pic of one of my cheat sheets when I'm done. It's muy intricate.
<3
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Being alive is a good thing
So there was an ACTUAL close call yesterday...my sister called yesterday & said that she thought my dad might be having a stroke. I freaked out!! That is literally my worst fear - that something will happen at home & I'm in Cali and can't get back in time for it. Anyways everything is fine...he's been diagnosed with Bell's Palsy (which we did out in Cali way before the people at Northside Hospital did in GA, Stanford med students & physicians don't even NEED all those fancy tests lol) which is also known as idiopathic facial paralysis, which means nobody knows what causes it or how to really treat it. He's fine & I'm mucho happy about that.
We (me, Tania, Alison) randomly went out to this place called Monte Carlo last night, just to get away from the perpetual med student crowd and hang around new people. It ended up being this club fullll of Spanish people who all knew the same dances so when this band started playing, we just sat around and watched. It was actually one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile. Such intimate dancing too! It was astounding... I'm planning on a chill weekend to sleep & catch up with work. We have a Biochem final on the 8th & even though it's Halloween weekend, I really just need to hang out in my room and get things done. Sometimes you need weekends like this, I have to remind myself of that since there's something going on EVERY single weekend!!
Also loving my lab - I can't wait till I get to start doing mouse work but I'm really starting to understand more of the project and the technical details so that's always a good thing. I'm probably going to go in and do some work later today :) My PI also emailed me to make sure my dad was okay, which I thought was a very nice gesture. Such thesis lab potential!! Anyways that's all the updates - not too many this time around (less drama=great thing, at least for now)
<3
PS: Freaking in love with Ray Lamontagne right now. Holy gee - why has no one told me about him yet??
We (me, Tania, Alison) randomly went out to this place called Monte Carlo last night, just to get away from the perpetual med student crowd and hang around new people. It ended up being this club fullll of Spanish people who all knew the same dances so when this band started playing, we just sat around and watched. It was actually one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile. Such intimate dancing too! It was astounding... I'm planning on a chill weekend to sleep & catch up with work. We have a Biochem final on the 8th & even though it's Halloween weekend, I really just need to hang out in my room and get things done. Sometimes you need weekends like this, I have to remind myself of that since there's something going on EVERY single weekend!!
Also loving my lab - I can't wait till I get to start doing mouse work but I'm really starting to understand more of the project and the technical details so that's always a good thing. I'm probably going to go in and do some work later today :) My PI also emailed me to make sure my dad was okay, which I thought was a very nice gesture. Such thesis lab potential!! Anyways that's all the updates - not too many this time around (less drama=great thing, at least for now)
<3
PS: Freaking in love with Ray Lamontagne right now. Holy gee - why has no one told me about him yet??
Friday, October 22, 2010
Busy, busy week!
So I finally started in lab this week :) *the big jazz smile* I love love love it! I'm getting to do flow cytometry, which is a technique that I've been wanting to master. I love how much it equally requires precision & an understanding of exactly what you're looking for and why. BIG PICTURE: I'm working on a study with end-stage breast cancer patients where their sleep patterns are being monitored over the course of 24 hours. The thought is that your circadian rhythms & immune system are intimately intertwined & that by monitoring these patients (along with "normal" patients), we'll be able to quantify how & when these patterns are disturbed along the course of their individual diseases. Sad part though - in order to really understand the predictive capacity & complicated relationships of all the markers we're looking at, I'm pretty sure the patients would have to die :( I don't understand nearly everything yet, and we OBVIOUSLY hope that everyone lives (& the physicians are doing everything they can to make sure that's the case), but that is a sad and inevitable part of science/life. I'm pretty sure the goal is to understand these patterns & later to learn how to manipulate them in order to avoid the sucky part of cancer (death). I'm really interested in quality of life issues too though so I'm curious to see where that fits in...
It's basically the kind of work that I want to drown myself in & I really hope I start to understand every intricacy of the data & biology behind it. Unfortunately, life in medical school does not allow for that. This is the small part of me that just wishes I was doing graduate school things...I'd only be taking two classes & able to really jump into research. I still am really happy that I'm doing the MoM program-it will help me understand all the clinical correlations for our research which I think is necessary. Just sucks that I don't have more time...
In other news, I had a very strange epiphany/feeling/realization last night that I realize might sound like "jazz hates men" but I think it's actually a rational one. Or a protective one, maybe. But it's not coming from a bitter place. I think I've come to the conclusion that I would be okay with being a single woman forever.
Would I miss snuggles & kisses? Yes.
Would I miss lies? No.
I'm just not sure that I believe that I could/will find a guy who I am insanely attracted to, completely honest with, & totally in love with the person that he actually is. AND who would be worth investing in. It seems improbable. I've had a lot of high hopes for a lot of guys & it's exhausting. I don't think it's worth it to invest all this energy in a person to eventually be let down. I don't think that has anything to do with any of the guys individually being inherently bad people but maybe it has to do with all men. Or all people (I haven't been in a relationship with a chica, so I can't speak to that...) I feel like your attention & energy is much better spent elsewhere (curing cancer? dancing? learning new hobbies? anything) than fervently hoping that the perfect man will come along & trying to make every guy into "THE ONE". It's silly & when I think about my life and how I want it to go, I feel like I'd be incredibly happy with being an amazing scientist, an influential professor, an awesome aunt, a loyal friend, a caring sister, a good daughter, (a dog-owner?) & maybe even a great mom (we learned about in-vitro this week...haven't fully decided on that yet). But I don't feel like I really NEED to be a girlfriend/fiance/wife.
All these thoughts stemmed from a conversation about relationships last night with some med school amigos, & I can see that a lot of people really want or maybe even need that in their lives. I'm not sure that I do. I like the feeling of having crushes on guys but I recognize that I'm a difficult lady to be with. I think most guys who end up being attracted to me realize that too...they always say "oh you're the perfect woman", "I don't understand why guys aren't treating you like a princess" and so on but they never actually do it themselves...? I am ambitious & selfish & irrational & crazy and lots of other complicated, random things. & it doesn't scare me that I would never get married. I think that frightens a lot of people. So maybe I should just tap out of the relationship race and let another (lonelier?) girl take the guy that I would eventually end up settling down with. Who knows? Just my recent thoughts...
LAST THING - there is a party tonight that is going to be C-R-A-Z-Y. There is $200+ worth of alcohol in MarkyMark's room right now & I am nervous to see what is going to happen with everyone's livers. And bodies. There was a breach of a certain med student's relationship contract at the last party in Mark's room so we'll see what happens tonight. I'm just excited to dance (mostly with Mark, who likes boys? bahaaaa) I don't know when I started to like dancing (I never went out "dancing" in GA & I even wrote about how I didn't really like it in some post on here) but it's a great stress reliever now and I have tons of fun with Mark. So I'll be there in a couple of hours & hopefully alive tomorrow morning. Someone check on that in about 16 hours...
Anyways, miss you all!! <3
It's basically the kind of work that I want to drown myself in & I really hope I start to understand every intricacy of the data & biology behind it. Unfortunately, life in medical school does not allow for that. This is the small part of me that just wishes I was doing graduate school things...I'd only be taking two classes & able to really jump into research. I still am really happy that I'm doing the MoM program-it will help me understand all the clinical correlations for our research which I think is necessary. Just sucks that I don't have more time...
In other news, I had a very strange epiphany/feeling/realization last night that I realize might sound like "jazz hates men" but I think it's actually a rational one. Or a protective one, maybe. But it's not coming from a bitter place. I think I've come to the conclusion that I would be okay with being a single woman forever.
Would I miss snuggles & kisses? Yes.
Would I miss lies? No.
I'm just not sure that I believe that I could/will find a guy who I am insanely attracted to, completely honest with, & totally in love with the person that he actually is. AND who would be worth investing in. It seems improbable. I've had a lot of high hopes for a lot of guys & it's exhausting. I don't think it's worth it to invest all this energy in a person to eventually be let down. I don't think that has anything to do with any of the guys individually being inherently bad people but maybe it has to do with all men. Or all people (I haven't been in a relationship with a chica, so I can't speak to that...) I feel like your attention & energy is much better spent elsewhere (curing cancer? dancing? learning new hobbies? anything) than fervently hoping that the perfect man will come along & trying to make every guy into "THE ONE". It's silly & when I think about my life and how I want it to go, I feel like I'd be incredibly happy with being an amazing scientist, an influential professor, an awesome aunt, a loyal friend, a caring sister, a good daughter, (a dog-owner?) & maybe even a great mom (we learned about in-vitro this week...haven't fully decided on that yet). But I don't feel like I really NEED to be a girlfriend/fiance/wife.
All these thoughts stemmed from a conversation about relationships last night with some med school amigos, & I can see that a lot of people really want or maybe even need that in their lives. I'm not sure that I do. I like the feeling of having crushes on guys but I recognize that I'm a difficult lady to be with. I think most guys who end up being attracted to me realize that too...they always say "oh you're the perfect woman", "I don't understand why guys aren't treating you like a princess" and so on but they never actually do it themselves...? I am ambitious & selfish & irrational & crazy and lots of other complicated, random things. & it doesn't scare me that I would never get married. I think that frightens a lot of people. So maybe I should just tap out of the relationship race and let another (lonelier?) girl take the guy that I would eventually end up settling down with. Who knows? Just my recent thoughts...
LAST THING - there is a party tonight that is going to be C-R-A-Z-Y. There is $200+ worth of alcohol in MarkyMark's room right now & I am nervous to see what is going to happen with everyone's livers. And bodies. There was a breach of a certain med student's relationship contract at the last party in Mark's room so we'll see what happens tonight. I'm just excited to dance (mostly with Mark, who likes boys? bahaaaa) I don't know when I started to like dancing (I never went out "dancing" in GA & I even wrote about how I didn't really like it in some post on here) but it's a great stress reliever now and I have tons of fun with Mark. So I'll be there in a couple of hours & hopefully alive tomorrow morning. Someone check on that in about 16 hours...
Anyways, miss you all!! <3
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Hallelujah!
The week is looking up :) Still 10 million things to do, but I feel much better about all of them now. So updates from the last post:
1. Still have to apply for NSF but I don't have to worry so much about my Stanford recommender anymore after talking to my program director which is nice. I still need to get everything together for it though...I'm also applying for the Ford Foundation Fellowship so maybe one of them will work out?
2. Got an email at 1:22 this morning from my dream PI saying "Welcome to the lab!" WAHOOOO!!! I guess I was going through some screening process I was unaware of but they must like me at least a little bit. So excited! I'm hopefully starting work this week. Can.Not.Wait.!! I really love the work they're doing & I'm just anxious to be a lab rat again.
3. Moonlighting was pretty awesome! So fun hanging out with everyone as usual, a few drunken mishaps but nothing major...overall wonderful :) I'll post a pic at the end of this
4. Just got back from brunch & grocery shopping...it's rainy outside today so I'm not feeling like going to the potluck for BGSA & I didn't end up going to the Shaking the Foundations thing for the law school since I was pretty busy Friday & Saturday. (By busy, I partially mean napping...)
5. Generally feel much happier & back in balance again...what a nice feeling :) Here's to trying to keep that up throughout the week
Good times! Off to try & get work done before the napping feelings take over. Adios <3
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Don't you love it when...
...your week completely implodes? No? Me neither...
Summary of this week's events:
1. Found out I'm REQUIRED to apply for an NSF graduate fellowship this year. Not strongly encouraged. Not "You're a great applicant, you should definitely do it". R-e-q-u-i-r-e-d. By the Cancer Biology program. Ooh, also? IT'S DUE IN A MONTH. Not happy about this, especially since I'm not even on the Cancer Biology training grant!! I wouldn't even be saving them money by winning the fellowship. Moving on...
2. Still not working in lab. I'm ultra-sensitive about this right now. I went to meet with the lab manager in the lab I realllyyyy want to be in & basically told them that I would do whatever they need me to be doing. They're being really deliberate & considerate of my currently busy schedule & want to make sure I have a good experience which is great but I just want to be working again! One of my fellow MOM students made me feel so bad about it today...she was like "How's your rotation going?" I told her that I hadn't officially started in the lab yet & she slowly looked at her watch and goes "Oh...isn't it the third week of the quarter already?" GAHHHH YES I KNOW THIS WOMAN!! She's also Singaporean (sp?), spent time at Oxford & is generally socially strange. Her introduction to this conversation with me was "Well, no one is talking to me & everyone wants to be talking to you so I'm coming over here". Should have seen something ridiculous coming...I should have taken it with a grain of salt but it really got under my skin.
3. Guy in my class that's randomly been doing awkward things/saying awkward things? He has a girlfriend! Recently discovered by everyone in the class. That makes so many of our interactions so freaking inappropriate & I am not happy that I was involuntarily (in terms of ignorance, not being coerced into doing anything) involved in this breach of relationship contract. Ugh! Future plans include ignoring him indefinitely.
4. Guy from middle school/high school that came back full force over Christmas? HEYYY he sent me a little textie last night. Of course! Convo:
- Him: Can you believe it's about to be a year? I just drove past waffle house and thought about you.
*Jazz Thoughts: So glad I remind you of WaHo? Classyyyy...
- Me: :) you confuse me BP...I never understood your thoughts on the whole situation since you like to keep things mysterious.
-Him: I do and I'm really kicking myself for that now. *shrug* :)
*Jazz Thoughts: I don't understand why you're not more apologetic about this...
-Me: Mystery is overrated dude, you were supposed to be the honest one? :(
-Him: It's funny cause I want to be to you. Not for anyone else though. I just got into the habit of mysteriousness. I don't always mean to do it.
*Jazz Thoughts: Aww, so sweet!!! Wait, not sweet. NOT sweet. You're the one that keeps saying you're going to do something & then not doing it.
- Him: When are you going to be in GA again?
*Jazz Thoughts: Trouble.
- Me: Mm either way, you're equally good at it...I'll be home for Thanksgiving definitely, hopefully Christmas too
- Him: Nice. Alright. It's mad early/late. Peace
*Jazz Thoughts: Oh my freaking gee you're the one that texted me fool! Way to insert yourself into my life again & leave quickly againnnn
- Me: Bye [name has been redacted from the text record]
Overall thoughts about this: WTF?!
5. The redeeming fact for this week so far - I did sign up to teach a class at this event they have every year called SPLASH! My class is on making vision boards & I'm hoping it will be super productive, both for me & for the little kiddies I'll be teaching for a day. I'm really excited about it.
Predictions for the rest of this week's events:
1. Severeeeee alcoholism. (!!!)
2. Formal! I'm actually excited. I think it will be really beautiful, even though there's also this drama swirling. We're going to dinner before with 30 people. Geez! I'm excited to wear my dress, hopefully I'll be feeling like a pretty pretty princess (Kaiya style)
3. A few cute things this weekend besides formal - a brunch with mi amiga que habla espanol y otros companeros and also a potluck at one of the girls' houses who is in BGSA. So cultural! I need to expand past my Asian boundaries lol...also a conference w/ the law school called Shaking the Foundations that should have a few interesting panels and delicious food!
4. I think I'm going to try and reserve tomorrow for restoring sanity. It's time to revamp jazzy maintenance days. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this yet - maybe a walk around The Dish or a delicious meal or a good movie. Something to get me back to my normal again. And hopefully also a little bit of productivity...I've felt so off this week & I hate that feeling.
Anyways, back to work now! I'm going to try & go to bed in the next hour or so, I think I need to be getting more sleep. Last thing - watch this video if you haven't seen it already, it's really great & I think he discusses a lot of the reasons why this recent wave of suicides is so devastating. As always with YouTube videos, ignore the comments below the video. So symptomatic of the problems we have in this country, people are nutso...
Lovesies!! <3
Summary of this week's events:
1. Found out I'm REQUIRED to apply for an NSF graduate fellowship this year. Not strongly encouraged. Not "You're a great applicant, you should definitely do it". R-e-q-u-i-r-e-d. By the Cancer Biology program. Ooh, also? IT'S DUE IN A MONTH. Not happy about this, especially since I'm not even on the Cancer Biology training grant!! I wouldn't even be saving them money by winning the fellowship. Moving on...
2. Still not working in lab. I'm ultra-sensitive about this right now. I went to meet with the lab manager in the lab I realllyyyy want to be in & basically told them that I would do whatever they need me to be doing. They're being really deliberate & considerate of my currently busy schedule & want to make sure I have a good experience which is great but I just want to be working again! One of my fellow MOM students made me feel so bad about it today...she was like "How's your rotation going?" I told her that I hadn't officially started in the lab yet & she slowly looked at her watch and goes "Oh...isn't it the third week of the quarter already?" GAHHHH YES I KNOW THIS WOMAN!! She's also Singaporean (sp?), spent time at Oxford & is generally socially strange. Her introduction to this conversation with me was "Well, no one is talking to me & everyone wants to be talking to you so I'm coming over here". Should have seen something ridiculous coming...I should have taken it with a grain of salt but it really got under my skin.
3. Guy in my class that's randomly been doing awkward things/saying awkward things? He has a girlfriend! Recently discovered by everyone in the class. That makes so many of our interactions so freaking inappropriate & I am not happy that I was involuntarily (in terms of ignorance, not being coerced into doing anything) involved in this breach of relationship contract. Ugh! Future plans include ignoring him indefinitely.
4. Guy from middle school/high school that came back full force over Christmas? HEYYY he sent me a little textie last night. Of course! Convo:
- Him: Can you believe it's about to be a year? I just drove past waffle house and thought about you.
*Jazz Thoughts: So glad I remind you of WaHo? Classyyyy...
- Me: :) you confuse me BP...I never understood your thoughts on the whole situation since you like to keep things mysterious.
-Him: I do and I'm really kicking myself for that now. *shrug* :)
*Jazz Thoughts: I don't understand why you're not more apologetic about this...
-Me: Mystery is overrated dude, you were supposed to be the honest one? :(
-Him: It's funny cause I want to be to you. Not for anyone else though. I just got into the habit of mysteriousness. I don't always mean to do it.
*Jazz Thoughts: Aww, so sweet!!! Wait, not sweet. NOT sweet. You're the one that keeps saying you're going to do something & then not doing it.
- Him: When are you going to be in GA again?
*Jazz Thoughts: Trouble.
- Me: Mm either way, you're equally good at it...I'll be home for Thanksgiving definitely, hopefully Christmas too
- Him: Nice. Alright. It's mad early/late. Peace
*Jazz Thoughts: Oh my freaking gee you're the one that texted me fool! Way to insert yourself into my life again & leave quickly againnnn
- Me: Bye [name has been redacted from the text record]
Overall thoughts about this: WTF?!
5. The redeeming fact for this week so far - I did sign up to teach a class at this event they have every year called SPLASH! My class is on making vision boards & I'm hoping it will be super productive, both for me & for the little kiddies I'll be teaching for a day. I'm really excited about it.
Predictions for the rest of this week's events:
1. Severeeeee alcoholism. (!!!)
2. Formal! I'm actually excited. I think it will be really beautiful, even though there's also this drama swirling. We're going to dinner before with 30 people. Geez! I'm excited to wear my dress, hopefully I'll be feeling like a pretty pretty princess (Kaiya style)
3. A few cute things this weekend besides formal - a brunch with mi amiga que habla espanol y otros companeros and also a potluck at one of the girls' houses who is in BGSA. So cultural! I need to expand past my Asian boundaries lol...also a conference w/ the law school called Shaking the Foundations that should have a few interesting panels and delicious food!
4. I think I'm going to try and reserve tomorrow for restoring sanity. It's time to revamp jazzy maintenance days. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this yet - maybe a walk around The Dish or a delicious meal or a good movie. Something to get me back to my normal again. And hopefully also a little bit of productivity...I've felt so off this week & I hate that feeling.
Anyways, back to work now! I'm going to try & go to bed in the next hour or so, I think I need to be getting more sleep. Last thing - watch this video if you haven't seen it already, it's really great & I think he discusses a lot of the reasons why this recent wave of suicides is so devastating. As always with YouTube videos, ignore the comments below the video. So symptomatic of the problems we have in this country, people are nutso...
Lovesies!! <3
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I believe in soulmates...
...at least for now, and by soulmates I mean those of the research variety. Oh em gee! I think these are easier to find than the romantic ones...since those may or may not exist ;)
I went in to meet with a professor today (this guy, Firdaus Dhabhar) & the meeting went superrrrr well. He basically brought up everything that I love & that I think is important in terms of science & life. He works on lots of things that I find interesting & that hit very close to home (breast cancer, immune function, stress, sleeping, translational research, working with mice, access to patient samples, mental health issues, etc etc) & I'm hoping/kinda thinking that...this might be my thesis lab?
WHOA DUDE. WHOA. Of course I have to wait & see how the actual rotation goes & there are a few details to work out but I don't know how all of the things I thought were important & the techniques and types of science I really want to learn could be integrated more seamlessly in another lab. He has moved to Stanford recently from Ohio so there is the concern that he doesn't have graduate students right now. That's not actually a huge concern, I think, because he was recruited here & has had graduate students in his lab previously. It's just been a time of transition with getting his animal facilities set up out here in Cali. I'm hopefully going to meet with some of the lab members relatively soon but I'm mucho excited!
Aside from the science, one of the things that really struck me about our meeting was how much he valued honesty & wanting to know things outside of my research interests. I really feel like I could be open with him & in times of vulnerability (which will certainly come as a graduate student), I think that's really critical for success in a program. We talked about everything from family stuff to integrating Western & Eastern methodologies with regards to science and medicine. Basically it was the perfect mix of all things jazz & I could not be more stoked. SCORE!!! I can not freaking wait to get back into lab
Other than that, I just watched the latest episode of Glee & it was tres emotional! Geez man, they should have given you a warning at the beginning of the episode or something. Off to be productive for the rest of the night!
kiss kiss :)
I went in to meet with a professor today (this guy, Firdaus Dhabhar) & the meeting went superrrrr well. He basically brought up everything that I love & that I think is important in terms of science & life. He works on lots of things that I find interesting & that hit very close to home (breast cancer, immune function, stress, sleeping, translational research, working with mice, access to patient samples, mental health issues, etc etc) & I'm hoping/kinda thinking that...this might be my thesis lab?
WHOA DUDE. WHOA. Of course I have to wait & see how the actual rotation goes & there are a few details to work out but I don't know how all of the things I thought were important & the techniques and types of science I really want to learn could be integrated more seamlessly in another lab. He has moved to Stanford recently from Ohio so there is the concern that he doesn't have graduate students right now. That's not actually a huge concern, I think, because he was recruited here & has had graduate students in his lab previously. It's just been a time of transition with getting his animal facilities set up out here in Cali. I'm hopefully going to meet with some of the lab members relatively soon but I'm mucho excited!
Aside from the science, one of the things that really struck me about our meeting was how much he valued honesty & wanting to know things outside of my research interests. I really feel like I could be open with him & in times of vulnerability (which will certainly come as a graduate student), I think that's really critical for success in a program. We talked about everything from family stuff to integrating Western & Eastern methodologies with regards to science and medicine. Basically it was the perfect mix of all things jazz & I could not be more stoked. SCORE!!! I can not freaking wait to get back into lab
Other than that, I just watched the latest episode of Glee & it was tres emotional! Geez man, they should have given you a warning at the beginning of the episode or something. Off to be productive for the rest of the night!
kiss kiss :)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Back to basics...
So finals did NOT go so well...everything is going to work out fine, but I'm just bummed that I didn't do as well as I thought I did right after the final. I went in to talk to one of my professors from mini-quarter (i.e, the one we just ended) & it was a really great talk that made me think a lot about how the person I am affects how I approach academics. I had never really talked one-on-one with him...I think that's also something I wish I had learned more in undergrad - I never learned how to talk with the professors I was actually taking classes with. I knew a lot of the faculty in the Honors program & really got along well with them but never got over the professor/student barrier in my classes.
We talked through a lot of things in the meeting & it was nice to hear his impression of me...he's a very relatable professor & he said that I seemed like an outgoing person who could potentially be a role model for a lot of people. He also said that he thinks I was the type to have a lot of friends in undergrad? (He also said he thought I would be in a sorority, which was definitely off) I think I took it for granted when people would say that type of stuff in GA but it was nice to hear from a really well-established professor here. It's also nice to feel like there are people here who are really invested in my success when there are a million other things they could be doing. I love Stanford :)
We also got down to what I think is the source of a lot of stress for me: I've never really learned how to ask for help? I'm not really that great at showing weaknesses either. I feel like I'm okay with admitting character or personality flaws (like how I'm not great at sustained human contact, I tend to make weird noises & voices, blablabla) but I have a hard time owning up to the things that I haven't quite figured out on my own yet. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with how I've been raised & the person that I am regardless of my environment but it's tough to fix. I need to learn how to ask questions more often without feeling dumb for not knowing every single answer. As he said (& I definitely agree), it will make me a better scientist and a better human being. It was also nice to hear from him that he thought I'd done really well here so far with adjusting after moving to the other side of the country & also the constructive criticism he had with moving forward in this next quarter. Hopefully I'll make some major improvements :) My goals are to try and be even more organized & to not feel pressured to study with the people I've become close with because they might not be the best study partners. It's a work in progress!
I am really fortunate though to feel so comfortable with a lot of the people here...one of my closest friends here has been feeling really homesick lately & I can't imagine what that would be like on top of all the stress with classes. So thankful for the people I'm close with! I think feeling a million times more comfortable with myself now has made the adjustment here much easier than the adjustment during freshman year of undergrad...WHAT.A.MESS.!!
As for the fun side of things - the party bus was RIDICULOUS! Holy moly, never in my life have I experienced such craziness. It was so nice hanging out with everyone & getting to share 1/3 of my birthday weekend with some amazing people. There were definitely some interesting moments with members of the opposite sex - I had SOOO much fun dancing with one of the guys that I hadn't really gotten to know before the trip but I don't think there's any attraction there. I will be requesting that he dances with me at every single event from now on though ;) I also had a weird conversation with one of the guys I initially had a crush on about "the last guy I dated"...I think the conversation was actually about if we could date each other? Strangest thing, I get so confused when there's a conversation that I'm actually having with a person and an entirely different subtext going on. Too much thinking!! I also got to hang out more with one guy that I really want to be close friends with (who also turns out to be a great snuggler, which is a huge bonus) & another guy that really confuses me/doesn't say words. People do say words when they're intoxicated though regardless of how shy they are so I got more information out of him about why he's taking a little bit longer to adjust to life out here. I wanted to try & be friends with him but that's too hard so...we can just be party friends. He's close friends with the snuggler though so maybe I'll make them food...I love being a veg out here but sometimes I think the crazy eating does not go over well for boys. Southern food is universal!! It still surprises me how many people really want to be in a relationship right now though...so not ready for that! I barely have enough free time for myself...
The rest of the birthday weekend was also really great...we went out to eat for dinner at this ramen place (RAMEN IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S NOT IN A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!) followed up by boba. These are my absolute obsessions now. It was nice to have people celebrate with me - I've never really had a big group of people go somewhere with me to celebrate my birthday & there were 20 people at dinner! That's like 25% of our class, I felt so loved :) Also one of the girls in my Masters' program got me the cutest little gifts that I'm pretty sure are directly from China...I felt bad though because her birthday was last Sunday (the 19th) but she didn't tell anyone because of finals. I've been making a special effort to talk to her because I think she's a little bit more shy with moving here so recently & also with the slight language barrier. She does have a boyfriend though which I just found out, how saucy!!
Mm last thing before the end-of-night study time - I'm taking a hip hop class! I love it & that's one of the things that I really wanted to do when I got out here. I'm happy I'm following through on that & my vegetarian ways. Anyways, miss you all! Thanks for all the birthday voicemails & love...phone calls have become way too stressful so I hope this will be an acceptable alternative.
<3
Oh PS: My first quote in a Stanford publication- click here!
We talked through a lot of things in the meeting & it was nice to hear his impression of me...he's a very relatable professor & he said that I seemed like an outgoing person who could potentially be a role model for a lot of people. He also said that he thinks I was the type to have a lot of friends in undergrad? (He also said he thought I would be in a sorority, which was definitely off) I think I took it for granted when people would say that type of stuff in GA but it was nice to hear from a really well-established professor here. It's also nice to feel like there are people here who are really invested in my success when there are a million other things they could be doing. I love Stanford :)
We also got down to what I think is the source of a lot of stress for me: I've never really learned how to ask for help? I'm not really that great at showing weaknesses either. I feel like I'm okay with admitting character or personality flaws (like how I'm not great at sustained human contact, I tend to make weird noises & voices, blablabla) but I have a hard time owning up to the things that I haven't quite figured out on my own yet. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with how I've been raised & the person that I am regardless of my environment but it's tough to fix. I need to learn how to ask questions more often without feeling dumb for not knowing every single answer. As he said (& I definitely agree), it will make me a better scientist and a better human being. It was also nice to hear from him that he thought I'd done really well here so far with adjusting after moving to the other side of the country & also the constructive criticism he had with moving forward in this next quarter. Hopefully I'll make some major improvements :) My goals are to try and be even more organized & to not feel pressured to study with the people I've become close with because they might not be the best study partners. It's a work in progress!
I am really fortunate though to feel so comfortable with a lot of the people here...one of my closest friends here has been feeling really homesick lately & I can't imagine what that would be like on top of all the stress with classes. So thankful for the people I'm close with! I think feeling a million times more comfortable with myself now has made the adjustment here much easier than the adjustment during freshman year of undergrad...WHAT.A.MESS.!!
As for the fun side of things - the party bus was RIDICULOUS! Holy moly, never in my life have I experienced such craziness. It was so nice hanging out with everyone & getting to share 1/3 of my birthday weekend with some amazing people. There were definitely some interesting moments with members of the opposite sex - I had SOOO much fun dancing with one of the guys that I hadn't really gotten to know before the trip but I don't think there's any attraction there. I will be requesting that he dances with me at every single event from now on though ;) I also had a weird conversation with one of the guys I initially had a crush on about "the last guy I dated"...I think the conversation was actually about if we could date each other? Strangest thing, I get so confused when there's a conversation that I'm actually having with a person and an entirely different subtext going on. Too much thinking!! I also got to hang out more with one guy that I really want to be close friends with (who also turns out to be a great snuggler, which is a huge bonus) & another guy that really confuses me/doesn't say words. People do say words when they're intoxicated though regardless of how shy they are so I got more information out of him about why he's taking a little bit longer to adjust to life out here. I wanted to try & be friends with him but that's too hard so...we can just be party friends. He's close friends with the snuggler though so maybe I'll make them food...I love being a veg out here but sometimes I think the crazy eating does not go over well for boys. Southern food is universal!! It still surprises me how many people really want to be in a relationship right now though...so not ready for that! I barely have enough free time for myself...
The rest of the birthday weekend was also really great...we went out to eat for dinner at this ramen place (RAMEN IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S NOT IN A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!) followed up by boba. These are my absolute obsessions now. It was nice to have people celebrate with me - I've never really had a big group of people go somewhere with me to celebrate my birthday & there were 20 people at dinner! That's like 25% of our class, I felt so loved :) Also one of the girls in my Masters' program got me the cutest little gifts that I'm pretty sure are directly from China...I felt bad though because her birthday was last Sunday (the 19th) but she didn't tell anyone because of finals. I've been making a special effort to talk to her because I think she's a little bit more shy with moving here so recently & also with the slight language barrier. She does have a boyfriend though which I just found out, how saucy!!
Mm last thing before the end-of-night study time - I'm taking a hip hop class! I love it & that's one of the things that I really wanted to do when I got out here. I'm happy I'm following through on that & my vegetarian ways. Anyways, miss you all! Thanks for all the birthday voicemails & love...phone calls have become way too stressful so I hope this will be an acceptable alternative.
<3
Oh PS: My first quote in a Stanford publication- click here!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Made it through finals!!
(And I think I passed too...)
A special shoutout to all the people who let me have a mini-breakdown with them this week :)
Lessons learned from mini-quarter:
1. Med school is hard.
2. Med school is doable.
3. Stress makes people crazy (myself included, though only temporarily!)
4. I'm actually nocturnal.
5. Comparing myself to other people is worthless.
The stress of finals definitely helped me understand who people really are here...which is helpful, but sometimes frightening. There is already a small group of potheads?! (I guess this is NorCal...) I was talking to one of my friends in the car last night on the way to boba & she seemed impressed with how well I'd gotten to know a few people here. I really like having deep conversations...and I think if I kept things superficial with everyone here for too long, I'd definitely feel far from home & all my closest friends. Plus, I made a promise to myself before I came here that I'd be completely honest about who I am with people from the start & I think if you do that with people you meet, you find you have a lot more in common that you would have anticipated. So I have definitely started becoming closer to people already, which is great.
My birthday is Sunday, yesss!! I couldn't have been born at a more perfect time. :) To celebrate finals being done & the three birthdays, we're taking a party bus up to San Francisco tonight! There will be bodyguards & anatomically correct desserts involved...this may be the biggest birthday celebration I've ever experienced? We also have a lab coat ceremony tonight which should be cute. Goal for the night? STAY.ALIVE.!! I think some people will have trouble with this...
Anywho, off to go shopping & figure out a place to get my hair done! More updates to come :)
A special shoutout to all the people who let me have a mini-breakdown with them this week :)
Lessons learned from mini-quarter:
1. Med school is hard.
2. Med school is doable.
3. Stress makes people crazy (myself included, though only temporarily!)
4. I'm actually nocturnal.
5. Comparing myself to other people is worthless.
The stress of finals definitely helped me understand who people really are here...which is helpful, but sometimes frightening. There is already a small group of potheads?! (I guess this is NorCal...) I was talking to one of my friends in the car last night on the way to boba & she seemed impressed with how well I'd gotten to know a few people here. I really like having deep conversations...and I think if I kept things superficial with everyone here for too long, I'd definitely feel far from home & all my closest friends. Plus, I made a promise to myself before I came here that I'd be completely honest about who I am with people from the start & I think if you do that with people you meet, you find you have a lot more in common that you would have anticipated. So I have definitely started becoming closer to people already, which is great.
My birthday is Sunday, yesss!! I couldn't have been born at a more perfect time. :) To celebrate finals being done & the three birthdays, we're taking a party bus up to San Francisco tonight! There will be bodyguards & anatomically correct desserts involved...this may be the biggest birthday celebration I've ever experienced? We also have a lab coat ceremony tonight which should be cute. Goal for the night? STAY.ALIVE.!! I think some people will have trouble with this...
Anywho, off to go shopping & figure out a place to get my hair done! More updates to come :)
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