EVENTS OF THE DAY:
1. Sawed off a man's skull.
2. Went to AsiaSF for Dine About Town with med school peeps for dinner tonight...this is a restaurant where all of the waitresses are transgender ladies
3. Had a very graphic/interesting conversation about heterosexual male sexual preferences from my favorite homosexual male at Stanford (well, maybe tied? there's two faves). Wtf, I thought I'd heard it all then he told me about "donkey punch" !?!!?
Needless to say, today has been quite an interesting day. Anatomy was slightly disturbing - not worse than the day we sawed off the legs for me but a very close second. The lab was filled with what looked like a combination of saw dust & parmesan cheese (sorry for the potentially inappropriate food reference...) while everyone was busy sawing through their skulls. The smell was really the worst part of it all...it was unexpected and unlike any other smell we've experience thus far in lab. The smoke from incinerating the bits of skin left on the skull is apparently why it smelled so...strangely?...and I really did not expect that. I put a mask on pronto. I tried to use the bone saw for a little bit in my group but I don't think I have enough upper body strength for it & having to try and force it only made the whole situation that much more real. I opted for skinning the skull instead (which I realize may not sound like a more humane task, but it really is). A few of the MD peeps posted about how incredible it is that someone would donate their body for this type of learning, which I fully agree with. They also said that they asked about how to donate their bodies after lab, which I still think I will never do. Totally down with someone else using my organs after I'm done with them but something about what we're doing to their bodies seems like you'd never be able to rest in peace. There were quite a few times in lab today where we had to turn him over to saw a specific part of his skull or look at this particular cranial nerve & since we still have his entire torso (as opposed to just his head, like most of the other groups) but only concerned with his head academically, it was impossible to flip him over without his intestines falling out one way or his heart rolling across the table. I don't think it's so much a religious/moral issue for me with donating my body to science as it is how I'd like to treat any prized possession I've had my entire life. If someone else wanted to take my favorite piece of jewelry or pair of jeans & wear them after I was done, I'd be okay with that. I wouldn't want them to just hack it up to see what the insides look like? Meh, different strokes for different folks...
Again, DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS! AsiaSF was very very interesting...the girls were mostly in amazing shape. Makes a girl want to work out! (maybe) One of the girls had apparently just gotten the final shebang so there were lots of references to "the grand opening" and the fact she had "an extra pair of lips". Gahhhh so caught off guard! Fun night though, even though the food wasn't super super delicious. I'm sure there will be pics on fb soon ;)
Sex is such a weird thing. Right? I understand it's basic to human survival or whatever but I think I have such a strange group of friends that I'm never quite sure how to feel about it as a conversation topic. I have two, maybe three, distinct groups of friends when it comes to sexual opinions - (1) Sex is bad/morally wrong-ish before marriage. (2) Sex is good. It happens. People probably shouldn't discuss it publicly and/or enjoy it too much though. (3) Sex is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! Do wild crazy unimaginable, possibly illegal things.
I think moving from a small town (Stockbridge) to a more liberal town (Athens), and then from the South (Georgia) to the West Coast (Cali) is really a study in the breadth of sexual opinions. I think my initial high school discussions of sex were pretty frank...I was friends with girls who were pretty much in the same sexual boat, with us all having our first serious boyfriends (I think?) and figuring out what sex meant & what our boundaries were and how far we could push things with still living in our parents' houses. My parents had never really talked to me about sex & with a shockingly pregnant sister in the house senior year of high school, there was really no time to discuss these types of things with la madre. Great. Fast-forward to freshman year at UGA, where I had this really serious boyfriend & mostly single friends, and all of a sudden I was the most experienced one among the people I hung out with. Huh!? I remember being really uncomfortable with that, and feeling the need to lie because I was still confused about a lot of sexual things when there was no one to discuss it with. Then I was relatively single for junior & senior year of undergrad when a lot of my friends decided it was a good time to get into their first serious relationships. I think there's some disadvantages to doing this later in young adulthood but I think one major advantage of starting to think about what your sexuality means in college is that for the most part, you have the freedom to do so. There aren't really any boundaries or rules you're supposed to follow. Which there definitely are in high school. (Momma's rhetoric was something like the guy's from the Mean Girls - "Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and you will die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't it!! Promise?) I think a lot of my friends are much more liberated when it comes to their opinions on sex because of that. But then I'm also still friends with a few prudes (teeheehee) so I'm never sure exactly where I fit in that spectrum. Who knows man?? No one has a "normal" opinion on sex, I'm just always surprised to hear new sides of the people in my life that I thought I knew pretty well.
Um, I think that's it? There was a new pairing within the med school class that I found out about today that is...surprising. People are all about the hooking up right now. I had a nice thought yesterday, which is that I'm pretty happily single. Because if a really amazing guy came along tomorrow, I really wouldn't have any time to spend on him or with him. Then he'd probably be sad, and who would want the amazing guy to be sad?? I told one of my friends today that it'd be perfect if he came along right after I took qualifying exams next year. She reminded me that I can't exactly plan these things...I did have a moment of missing Brien (Boston Brien, not home Brian obviii) last night because we got along so so well & always laughed together. I'd be okay with him coming back after he got his stuff together & I passed quals ;) I really am starting to appreciate the importance of balance in my life & what that looks like and (sort of) how to get there from where I am now. I think it's a really hard thing, and something you have to work at consciously every day. That's more of what I'm trying to do this quarter & hopefully it will only go up from here. So far, so good
Happy Wednesday!! <3
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Lessons for 2011
#1 I'm back in Palo Alto!!! So much stuff to get done today, but overall I'm happy to be back & I'm happy when I see my faves here...this is a good sign & very promising for this quarter
#2 It's freaking 2011!! It takes me approximately 6 months to adjust to writing the next year when I write the date so by June, I'll be comfortable with this year. Then the year changes so quickly...so dificil
#3 Seeing all my Georgia faves was amazing...really rejuvenating (though that also could have been the 10+ hours of sleep I was getting at home). Even though I absolutely adore a few people out here, I don't know that I've really adjusted to being my full jazzy self (read this as a general adjective similar to excited or enthused & not as a specific reference to Jasmaine Denice Williams, as I am categorically less jazzy with all the work here) with everyone here. There are so many strange things I do or like to say & I can't pull them all out of the box at once...or else I'm sure one of my MD friends would diagnose me with some sort of psychiatric illness (issue?) I miss the people at home, but I don't think I miss living in Georgia.
SOOOO resolutions for this year: (Everyone says they don't make them, but everyone does b/c why wouldn't you try to make this year better than the last??)
1. Pre-read for every class, no exceptions. Even if I'm exhausted. I really want to stay on top of things this quarter.
2. Asleep by 12:30 every night
3. Exercise of some sort...? My google searches over the break ranged from relatively expensive gym memberships in Palo Alto to hip hop classes to yoga classes to pole dancing classes...decisions have not been made on this front. Either way, I think I need to get out of my room more. I had a surprising thought to start working out early in the mornings before class, which caught me completely off-guard. If I do well with #2, maybe this will be possible?
4. Make a budget! (Shoutout to E.Hollz for the mint.com tip) I did okay last quarter...somehow I never end up broke (excluding first semester of freshman year) which is amazing, considering I never think about how much I'm spending. I want to try to save a little moola for when I move into an apartment so I can buy furniture & stuffz
5. Make a list of all the important people in my life that I need to keep in touch with & rotate through the list every couple of days to talk to all of those people. Horrible...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e....HORRIBLE job at staying in contact last year, but I think it would have been entirely too overwhelming for me personally to try and do that. This quarter, my whole goal is "school/life balance". Constantly a work in progress...
6. Take vitamins (with a nice, nutritious breakfast since I'll be nice & well-rested)! Since the lady told me I could be screwing up my liver with taking iron tablets, I'm ceasing those. But I'll probably take omega-3's, ginkgo (maybe? I think my memory is getting worse but I don't want my blood to get all thin & whatnot), B complex, and MAYBE a real woman's vitamin to see how this goes over. I think it might be time to give up on my gummi vites...sad but true :(
7. Flossing.
8. More social time! More fun things & seeing all the cool things there are out here on the West Coast. There's lots of fun stuff planned already, I need to be careful not to overwhelm myself (social situations are so anxiety provoking sometimes!!)
9. Drink more water! (64 oz a day?)
I think that's it? General life balance is what I'm heading for. Every now & then, I have a fleeting interest in finding a cute boy to go on fun dates with but that seems like it would take too much energy. Maybe spring quarter :) After I finish this post, I'm going to make my vision board as the next step in this awesome life process
Slight rant before I continue this positivity movement: FREAKING STANFORD WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! Don't they know I have a credit card bill to pay off!? School supplies to buy!? Groceries to get!? Apparently, their system is "locking up" since I'm enrolled in two degree programs. Um, I'm almost positive I'm not the only one in Stanford history to ever get 2 degrees. WTF!? So mad, I had my whole day planned around making a cute, well-balanced grocery list & going to buy them and my school supplies today after I finished unpacking & making my vision board. #thanksatonLeland
Mmk I think that's it? For those not filled in on the boy information, all previous romantic interests (ranging from 7th grade until now) have been placed in the "Do Not Resuscitate" category (Too early in the quarter for medical jokes?) Miss you all!!!
<3 <3
#2 It's freaking 2011!! It takes me approximately 6 months to adjust to writing the next year when I write the date so by June, I'll be comfortable with this year. Then the year changes so quickly...so dificil
#3 Seeing all my Georgia faves was amazing...really rejuvenating (though that also could have been the 10+ hours of sleep I was getting at home). Even though I absolutely adore a few people out here, I don't know that I've really adjusted to being my full jazzy self (read this as a general adjective similar to excited or enthused & not as a specific reference to Jasmaine Denice Williams, as I am categorically less jazzy with all the work here) with everyone here. There are so many strange things I do or like to say & I can't pull them all out of the box at once...or else I'm sure one of my MD friends would diagnose me with some sort of psychiatric illness (issue?) I miss the people at home, but I don't think I miss living in Georgia.
SOOOO resolutions for this year: (Everyone says they don't make them, but everyone does b/c why wouldn't you try to make this year better than the last??)
1. Pre-read for every class, no exceptions. Even if I'm exhausted. I really want to stay on top of things this quarter.
2. Asleep by 12:30 every night
3. Exercise of some sort...? My google searches over the break ranged from relatively expensive gym memberships in Palo Alto to hip hop classes to yoga classes to pole dancing classes...decisions have not been made on this front. Either way, I think I need to get out of my room more. I had a surprising thought to start working out early in the mornings before class, which caught me completely off-guard. If I do well with #2, maybe this will be possible?
4. Make a budget! (Shoutout to E.Hollz for the mint.com tip) I did okay last quarter...somehow I never end up broke (excluding first semester of freshman year) which is amazing, considering I never think about how much I'm spending. I want to try to save a little moola for when I move into an apartment so I can buy furniture & stuffz
5. Make a list of all the important people in my life that I need to keep in touch with & rotate through the list every couple of days to talk to all of those people. Horrible...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e....HORRIBLE job at staying in contact last year, but I think it would have been entirely too overwhelming for me personally to try and do that. This quarter, my whole goal is "school/life balance". Constantly a work in progress...
6. Take vitamins (with a nice, nutritious breakfast since I'll be nice & well-rested)! Since the lady told me I could be screwing up my liver with taking iron tablets, I'm ceasing those. But I'll probably take omega-3's, ginkgo (maybe? I think my memory is getting worse but I don't want my blood to get all thin & whatnot), B complex, and MAYBE a real woman's vitamin to see how this goes over. I think it might be time to give up on my gummi vites...sad but true :(
7. Flossing.
8. More social time! More fun things & seeing all the cool things there are out here on the West Coast. There's lots of fun stuff planned already, I need to be careful not to overwhelm myself (social situations are so anxiety provoking sometimes!!)
9. Drink more water! (64 oz a day?)
I think that's it? General life balance is what I'm heading for. Every now & then, I have a fleeting interest in finding a cute boy to go on fun dates with but that seems like it would take too much energy. Maybe spring quarter :) After I finish this post, I'm going to make my vision board as the next step in this awesome life process
Slight rant before I continue this positivity movement: FREAKING STANFORD WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! Don't they know I have a credit card bill to pay off!? School supplies to buy!? Groceries to get!? Apparently, their system is "locking up" since I'm enrolled in two degree programs. Um, I'm almost positive I'm not the only one in Stanford history to ever get 2 degrees. WTF!? So mad, I had my whole day planned around making a cute, well-balanced grocery list & going to buy them and my school supplies today after I finished unpacking & making my vision board. #thanksatonLeland
Mmk I think that's it? For those not filled in on the boy information, all previous romantic interests (ranging from 7th grade until now) have been placed in the "Do Not Resuscitate" category (Too early in the quarter for medical jokes?) Miss you all!!!
<3 <3
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Back to basics...
So finals did NOT go so well...everything is going to work out fine, but I'm just bummed that I didn't do as well as I thought I did right after the final. I went in to talk to one of my professors from mini-quarter (i.e, the one we just ended) & it was a really great talk that made me think a lot about how the person I am affects how I approach academics. I had never really talked one-on-one with him...I think that's also something I wish I had learned more in undergrad - I never learned how to talk with the professors I was actually taking classes with. I knew a lot of the faculty in the Honors program & really got along well with them but never got over the professor/student barrier in my classes.
We talked through a lot of things in the meeting & it was nice to hear his impression of me...he's a very relatable professor & he said that I seemed like an outgoing person who could potentially be a role model for a lot of people. He also said that he thinks I was the type to have a lot of friends in undergrad? (He also said he thought I would be in a sorority, which was definitely off) I think I took it for granted when people would say that type of stuff in GA but it was nice to hear from a really well-established professor here. It's also nice to feel like there are people here who are really invested in my success when there are a million other things they could be doing. I love Stanford :)
We also got down to what I think is the source of a lot of stress for me: I've never really learned how to ask for help? I'm not really that great at showing weaknesses either. I feel like I'm okay with admitting character or personality flaws (like how I'm not great at sustained human contact, I tend to make weird noises & voices, blablabla) but I have a hard time owning up to the things that I haven't quite figured out on my own yet. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with how I've been raised & the person that I am regardless of my environment but it's tough to fix. I need to learn how to ask questions more often without feeling dumb for not knowing every single answer. As he said (& I definitely agree), it will make me a better scientist and a better human being. It was also nice to hear from him that he thought I'd done really well here so far with adjusting after moving to the other side of the country & also the constructive criticism he had with moving forward in this next quarter. Hopefully I'll make some major improvements :) My goals are to try and be even more organized & to not feel pressured to study with the people I've become close with because they might not be the best study partners. It's a work in progress!
I am really fortunate though to feel so comfortable with a lot of the people here...one of my closest friends here has been feeling really homesick lately & I can't imagine what that would be like on top of all the stress with classes. So thankful for the people I'm close with! I think feeling a million times more comfortable with myself now has made the adjustment here much easier than the adjustment during freshman year of undergrad...WHAT.A.MESS.!!
As for the fun side of things - the party bus was RIDICULOUS! Holy moly, never in my life have I experienced such craziness. It was so nice hanging out with everyone & getting to share 1/3 of my birthday weekend with some amazing people. There were definitely some interesting moments with members of the opposite sex - I had SOOO much fun dancing with one of the guys that I hadn't really gotten to know before the trip but I don't think there's any attraction there. I will be requesting that he dances with me at every single event from now on though ;) I also had a weird conversation with one of the guys I initially had a crush on about "the last guy I dated"...I think the conversation was actually about if we could date each other? Strangest thing, I get so confused when there's a conversation that I'm actually having with a person and an entirely different subtext going on. Too much thinking!! I also got to hang out more with one guy that I really want to be close friends with (who also turns out to be a great snuggler, which is a huge bonus) & another guy that really confuses me/doesn't say words. People do say words when they're intoxicated though regardless of how shy they are so I got more information out of him about why he's taking a little bit longer to adjust to life out here. I wanted to try & be friends with him but that's too hard so...we can just be party friends. He's close friends with the snuggler though so maybe I'll make them food...I love being a veg out here but sometimes I think the crazy eating does not go over well for boys. Southern food is universal!! It still surprises me how many people really want to be in a relationship right now though...so not ready for that! I barely have enough free time for myself...
The rest of the birthday weekend was also really great...we went out to eat for dinner at this ramen place (RAMEN IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S NOT IN A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!) followed up by boba. These are my absolute obsessions now. It was nice to have people celebrate with me - I've never really had a big group of people go somewhere with me to celebrate my birthday & there were 20 people at dinner! That's like 25% of our class, I felt so loved :) Also one of the girls in my Masters' program got me the cutest little gifts that I'm pretty sure are directly from China...I felt bad though because her birthday was last Sunday (the 19th) but she didn't tell anyone because of finals. I've been making a special effort to talk to her because I think she's a little bit more shy with moving here so recently & also with the slight language barrier. She does have a boyfriend though which I just found out, how saucy!!
Mm last thing before the end-of-night study time - I'm taking a hip hop class! I love it & that's one of the things that I really wanted to do when I got out here. I'm happy I'm following through on that & my vegetarian ways. Anyways, miss you all! Thanks for all the birthday voicemails & love...phone calls have become way too stressful so I hope this will be an acceptable alternative.
<3
Oh PS: My first quote in a Stanford publication- click here!
We talked through a lot of things in the meeting & it was nice to hear his impression of me...he's a very relatable professor & he said that I seemed like an outgoing person who could potentially be a role model for a lot of people. He also said that he thinks I was the type to have a lot of friends in undergrad? (He also said he thought I would be in a sorority, which was definitely off) I think I took it for granted when people would say that type of stuff in GA but it was nice to hear from a really well-established professor here. It's also nice to feel like there are people here who are really invested in my success when there are a million other things they could be doing. I love Stanford :)
We also got down to what I think is the source of a lot of stress for me: I've never really learned how to ask for help? I'm not really that great at showing weaknesses either. I feel like I'm okay with admitting character or personality flaws (like how I'm not great at sustained human contact, I tend to make weird noises & voices, blablabla) but I have a hard time owning up to the things that I haven't quite figured out on my own yet. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with how I've been raised & the person that I am regardless of my environment but it's tough to fix. I need to learn how to ask questions more often without feeling dumb for not knowing every single answer. As he said (& I definitely agree), it will make me a better scientist and a better human being. It was also nice to hear from him that he thought I'd done really well here so far with adjusting after moving to the other side of the country & also the constructive criticism he had with moving forward in this next quarter. Hopefully I'll make some major improvements :) My goals are to try and be even more organized & to not feel pressured to study with the people I've become close with because they might not be the best study partners. It's a work in progress!
I am really fortunate though to feel so comfortable with a lot of the people here...one of my closest friends here has been feeling really homesick lately & I can't imagine what that would be like on top of all the stress with classes. So thankful for the people I'm close with! I think feeling a million times more comfortable with myself now has made the adjustment here much easier than the adjustment during freshman year of undergrad...WHAT.A.MESS.!!
As for the fun side of things - the party bus was RIDICULOUS! Holy moly, never in my life have I experienced such craziness. It was so nice hanging out with everyone & getting to share 1/3 of my birthday weekend with some amazing people. There were definitely some interesting moments with members of the opposite sex - I had SOOO much fun dancing with one of the guys that I hadn't really gotten to know before the trip but I don't think there's any attraction there. I will be requesting that he dances with me at every single event from now on though ;) I also had a weird conversation with one of the guys I initially had a crush on about "the last guy I dated"...I think the conversation was actually about if we could date each other? Strangest thing, I get so confused when there's a conversation that I'm actually having with a person and an entirely different subtext going on. Too much thinking!! I also got to hang out more with one guy that I really want to be close friends with (who also turns out to be a great snuggler, which is a huge bonus) & another guy that really confuses me/doesn't say words. People do say words when they're intoxicated though regardless of how shy they are so I got more information out of him about why he's taking a little bit longer to adjust to life out here. I wanted to try & be friends with him but that's too hard so...we can just be party friends. He's close friends with the snuggler though so maybe I'll make them food...I love being a veg out here but sometimes I think the crazy eating does not go over well for boys. Southern food is universal!! It still surprises me how many people really want to be in a relationship right now though...so not ready for that! I barely have enough free time for myself...
The rest of the birthday weekend was also really great...we went out to eat for dinner at this ramen place (RAMEN IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S NOT IN A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!) followed up by boba. These are my absolute obsessions now. It was nice to have people celebrate with me - I've never really had a big group of people go somewhere with me to celebrate my birthday & there were 20 people at dinner! That's like 25% of our class, I felt so loved :) Also one of the girls in my Masters' program got me the cutest little gifts that I'm pretty sure are directly from China...I felt bad though because her birthday was last Sunday (the 19th) but she didn't tell anyone because of finals. I've been making a special effort to talk to her because I think she's a little bit more shy with moving here so recently & also with the slight language barrier. She does have a boyfriend though which I just found out, how saucy!!
Mm last thing before the end-of-night study time - I'm taking a hip hop class! I love it & that's one of the things that I really wanted to do when I got out here. I'm happy I'm following through on that & my vegetarian ways. Anyways, miss you all! Thanks for all the birthday voicemails & love...phone calls have become way too stressful so I hope this will be an acceptable alternative.
<3
Oh PS: My first quote in a Stanford publication- click here!
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