Haven't written an entry in over a month - whoa dude! This is what my life has consisted of lately (and if you look closely, you can see my pink & black headbands in the same row with my friend Hong-An in the pink shirt! This is our Neuro exam & yes, Stanford provided us with the rows and rows of MacBook Pros...too much)
There's so much I COULD write about - it's currently 4:38 in the morning & I can't sleep. I've gotten used to the finals schedule and can't get off of my screwed-up sleep/wake cycle just yet. EFFFF I hope this resolves itself soon. There have been boy problems, a lot of interesting life revelations especially the past 2/3 days, and general updates galore. BUT...my brain hurts. So this update is just a "Hey! I'm still alive" one - a real one with actual content to come soon :)
<3
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
Showing posts with label research. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Quick Updates
Ehh...life is seriously picking up the pace. We're entering crunch time now in classes & I am trying to be as studious as I know how and reviewing with lots of Winter Quarter experts.
I missed a meeting today with the director of the MoM program, gahh! I hate missing meetings :( I don't know that I've ever completely missed a meeting I intended to go to? Luckily he had extra time in the afternoon. It wasn't exactly a stress-free meeting - he asked why I was rotating this quarter since everyone is so busy and complains a lot about the amount of work we have. It's hard because I guess I got used to the FF/Honors style of doing things, where you knew exactly what to do and if you didn't, you always knew who would have the answers. That hasn't really been the case thus far, which is frustrating :( I really wish I had more communication with my home department and/or more general direction...
...and lab. Oh lab! I think the love affair might be over - I feel like I'm working REALLY hard in this lab on top of all my school work but I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not this is the right fit for me as a graduate student. I was proud of myself today for finally finishing a big part of the data analysis but when I sent it to my PI, the response was not "Here are some suggestions, keep up the good work!" but "Here are 9 more things to do." I'm not sure he read the email I sent him? Some of the things he told me to do were things that I told him I needed to do in the email...I absolutely love the research & the approach we're taking but there are some things I am starting to hear from the lab members and styles of communication that are concerning to me, especially considering this for the long haul. I'm excited to see how my next rotation goes w/ Max Diehn in the spring, he's very laidback but knowledgeable and explains things clearly. He also is housed in the newest building on the med school campus - the Lokey Stem Cell Center, which is apparently a good sign according to some fellow grad students. Can't wait! I also can't wait for Spring quarter in general: more time (!), fewer classes (!!), better weather (!!!). Right now, it sounds like a dream :)
It's frustrating to me because the more I learn about new things, the more I really love research and the idea of research. BUT I can't seem to find a lab with that "it" factor: an invested mentor, a pretty interesting project, and a good composition of lab members. Such a tough task! I'm 100% ready and willing to spend long nights in lab...I kinda love that stuff? I just wish I had the time to do it and the right mentor/lab to do it with.
'tis all, time to study! <3 <3
I missed a meeting today with the director of the MoM program, gahh! I hate missing meetings :( I don't know that I've ever completely missed a meeting I intended to go to? Luckily he had extra time in the afternoon. It wasn't exactly a stress-free meeting - he asked why I was rotating this quarter since everyone is so busy and complains a lot about the amount of work we have. It's hard because I guess I got used to the FF/Honors style of doing things, where you knew exactly what to do and if you didn't, you always knew who would have the answers. That hasn't really been the case thus far, which is frustrating :( I really wish I had more communication with my home department and/or more general direction...
...and lab. Oh lab! I think the love affair might be over - I feel like I'm working REALLY hard in this lab on top of all my school work but I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not this is the right fit for me as a graduate student. I was proud of myself today for finally finishing a big part of the data analysis but when I sent it to my PI, the response was not "Here are some suggestions, keep up the good work!" but "Here are 9 more things to do." I'm not sure he read the email I sent him? Some of the things he told me to do were things that I told him I needed to do in the email...I absolutely love the research & the approach we're taking but there are some things I am starting to hear from the lab members and styles of communication that are concerning to me, especially considering this for the long haul. I'm excited to see how my next rotation goes w/ Max Diehn in the spring, he's very laidback but knowledgeable and explains things clearly. He also is housed in the newest building on the med school campus - the Lokey Stem Cell Center, which is apparently a good sign according to some fellow grad students. Can't wait! I also can't wait for Spring quarter in general: more time (!), fewer classes (!!), better weather (!!!). Right now, it sounds like a dream :)
It's frustrating to me because the more I learn about new things, the more I really love research and the idea of research. BUT I can't seem to find a lab with that "it" factor: an invested mentor, a pretty interesting project, and a good composition of lab members. Such a tough task! I'm 100% ready and willing to spend long nights in lab...I kinda love that stuff? I just wish I had the time to do it and the right mentor/lab to do it with.
'tis all, time to study! <3 <3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Study Break
Lots of interesting happenings in the past week...
1. I got the TA position! I'm really excited about helping the kiddies & make a little extra moola...the best of both worlds. Seriously can not wait for this summer...even Spring Quarter really, having classes from 9-5 is really a major time burden. I've mostly stopped going to morning classes - I think I'm becoming fully nocturnal & our classes are all videotaped so it makes more sense (to me, at least) to stay up until 4 AM studying, sleep until 11, then go to afternoon classes. Our schedule is pretty conducive to doing this too - the classes that I can't miss (neuro lab, anatomy lab, Cancer Bio journal club, Translational Immunology lecture series on Mondays) are all in the afternoon. Then I can go to lab, be more alert & stay for longer :) Really enjoying this plan
2. Went to an actual gay club for the first time Friday night for my lovie D.Kim's birthday...we had gone to a small club before but this was the real homosexual deal. His boyfriend surprised him for his birthday - it was so cute!!! Can I be a gay man? My initial plan was to try and be lezzo but that quickly failed when I was watching (gawking at, maybe?) the male go-go dancers and mourning the loss of a beautiful man who was very much my physical type but also very much gay. Wahhhh :( We decided among the girls that I am probably the least potentially bisexual along with another girl in our group (we're both at 4% lezlike on the sexual spectrum...other chicas are ranging from 12%-17%) Win some, lose some. At least I can say I gave it a shot? Hahaaaa
3. Didn't do as well on my HHD midterm as I wanted to...it's frustrating to study so so SO much & not do really well. I think this part of my education will very much be a work in progress all the time, and a serious learning process. I'll come out super knowledgeable & resilient on the other side though, I think. I hope?
4. Went rock climbing on Thursday! It was tons of fun, but I need to find a consistent belay partner. & I went to this class today called UJam Fitness today that was awesome...lots of salsa, burlesque-y & hip-hop music. I'm going to try to start going to more of the fitness classes they offer in one of the graduate dorms - it's convenient & a good way to get away from staying in LKSC (the med school building) allllll day :)
5. Starting to feel very much like an old lady - I've been getting lots of emails this week about FF stuff for interview weekend & an Honors Program alumni board. WTF, how did this happen so fast!? I'm not ready to be taken seriously yet...I still feel like a 17-year old high school senior sometimes. Really confusing...
6. Realized/realizing that I really want to do research that is super interesting & integrates a lot of different things that I'm interested in. This seems obvious but it's easy to fall into very super sciency research at this stage in my education I think...which doesn't seem 100% interesting to me. I like scientists who research things like pain & stress & happiness and things that are relevant to the public at large. Things that I think would be helpful to learn more about. Not random proteins or signal transduction pathways. Also important but not sure I'd want to do it for my whole life...my latest thought has been to research stress and its physiological role in women's cancers particularly. Our lab is studying caregivers now (typically women who have children w/ very serious diseases) which I think is a really interesting take on cancer bio-related things. I've been thinking more about the type of career I'd like to have and I think this is closer to the realm I'd like to eventually be in...still unsure on whether or not I'd want to go into academia though. Seems like constant pressure for very little reward.
I think this is it? I still want to get a few hours of studying in, straighten my hair, and face mask it up. I've been getting pimples in weird places like my neck & my eyebrow. TMI? Maybe, but it's been totally weird & no me gusta. I think my eyes are getting bad too, the screen looks really blurry right now. Time for an eye exam...
<3 <3
1. I got the TA position! I'm really excited about helping the kiddies & make a little extra moola...the best of both worlds. Seriously can not wait for this summer...even Spring Quarter really, having classes from 9-5 is really a major time burden. I've mostly stopped going to morning classes - I think I'm becoming fully nocturnal & our classes are all videotaped so it makes more sense (to me, at least) to stay up until 4 AM studying, sleep until 11, then go to afternoon classes. Our schedule is pretty conducive to doing this too - the classes that I can't miss (neuro lab, anatomy lab, Cancer Bio journal club, Translational Immunology lecture series on Mondays) are all in the afternoon. Then I can go to lab, be more alert & stay for longer :) Really enjoying this plan
2. Went to an actual gay club for the first time Friday night for my lovie D.Kim's birthday...we had gone to a small club before but this was the real homosexual deal. His boyfriend surprised him for his birthday - it was so cute!!! Can I be a gay man? My initial plan was to try and be lezzo but that quickly failed when I was watching (gawking at, maybe?) the male go-go dancers and mourning the loss of a beautiful man who was very much my physical type but also very much gay. Wahhhh :( We decided among the girls that I am probably the least potentially bisexual along with another girl in our group (we're both at 4% lezlike on the sexual spectrum...other chicas are ranging from 12%-17%) Win some, lose some. At least I can say I gave it a shot? Hahaaaa
3. Didn't do as well on my HHD midterm as I wanted to...it's frustrating to study so so SO much & not do really well. I think this part of my education will very much be a work in progress all the time, and a serious learning process. I'll come out super knowledgeable & resilient on the other side though, I think. I hope?
4. Went rock climbing on Thursday! It was tons of fun, but I need to find a consistent belay partner. & I went to this class today called UJam Fitness today that was awesome...lots of salsa, burlesque-y & hip-hop music. I'm going to try to start going to more of the fitness classes they offer in one of the graduate dorms - it's convenient & a good way to get away from staying in LKSC (the med school building) allllll day :)
5. Starting to feel very much like an old lady - I've been getting lots of emails this week about FF stuff for interview weekend & an Honors Program alumni board. WTF, how did this happen so fast!? I'm not ready to be taken seriously yet...I still feel like a 17-year old high school senior sometimes. Really confusing...
6. Realized/realizing that I really want to do research that is super interesting & integrates a lot of different things that I'm interested in. This seems obvious but it's easy to fall into very super sciency research at this stage in my education I think...which doesn't seem 100% interesting to me. I like scientists who research things like pain & stress & happiness and things that are relevant to the public at large. Things that I think would be helpful to learn more about. Not random proteins or signal transduction pathways. Also important but not sure I'd want to do it for my whole life...my latest thought has been to research stress and its physiological role in women's cancers particularly. Our lab is studying caregivers now (typically women who have children w/ very serious diseases) which I think is a really interesting take on cancer bio-related things. I've been thinking more about the type of career I'd like to have and I think this is closer to the realm I'd like to eventually be in...still unsure on whether or not I'd want to go into academia though. Seems like constant pressure for very little reward.
I think this is it? I still want to get a few hours of studying in, straighten my hair, and face mask it up. I've been getting pimples in weird places like my neck & my eyebrow. TMI? Maybe, but it's been totally weird & no me gusta. I think my eyes are getting bad too, the screen looks really blurry right now. Time for an eye exam...
<3 <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
FALL QUARTER:
Really hard.
Super stressful.
Finally over.
I've been thinking about what I can improve for next quarter but I think I need to take a complete mental break for a couple of days after I go home. Even thoughhhh I asked my PI to give me lots of papers to read & I ordered an 850 page book (The Biology of Cancer) to try and go through over the break...
...ok but seriously, I'm taking a break besides that! I just go crazy at home when there's nothing to do. Can't wait to lounge & see all the people I want to see.
Back to 24 on NetFlix! :)
Super stressful.
Finally over.
I've been thinking about what I can improve for next quarter but I think I need to take a complete mental break for a couple of days after I go home. Even thoughhhh I asked my PI to give me lots of papers to read & I ordered an 850 page book (The Biology of Cancer) to try and go through over the break...
...ok but seriously, I'm taking a break besides that! I just go crazy at home when there's nothing to do. Can't wait to lounge & see all the people I want to see.
Back to 24 on NetFlix! :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
WTF
I'm pretty sure guys think I'm stupid. Just gchatted with Most Recent (Older) Georgia Guy & I think he's fooled himself into believing that he put in 100% effort when I was in GA. And that we're going to be together since he was so good to me. That would be great!
...except he wasn't nice. WTF?! I didn't forget about the millions of times you didn't text me back or do what you said you would when I was in Athens. Unfortunately for you, I'm not slow & not really forgetful. Don't understand men!!!
In other news, I love lab. Poppa Williams is doing okay. Biochem final on Monday. My girls are coming to visit Cali in a couple of weeks!! Finally got my new bookbag in the mail. I won a $50 iTunes gift card! Most of those things (i.e, not the biochem final but everything else)=Happy Jazz. Love being happy jazz :)
Off to study AKA make a cheat sheet since that's what our profs want us to do for this final. I think it's silly...I'll post a pic of one of my cheat sheets when I'm done. It's muy intricate.
<3
...except he wasn't nice. WTF?! I didn't forget about the millions of times you didn't text me back or do what you said you would when I was in Athens. Unfortunately for you, I'm not slow & not really forgetful. Don't understand men!!!
In other news, I love lab. Poppa Williams is doing okay. Biochem final on Monday. My girls are coming to visit Cali in a couple of weeks!! Finally got my new bookbag in the mail. I won a $50 iTunes gift card! Most of those things (i.e, not the biochem final but everything else)=Happy Jazz. Love being happy jazz :)
Off to study AKA make a cheat sheet since that's what our profs want us to do for this final. I think it's silly...I'll post a pic of one of my cheat sheets when I'm done. It's muy intricate.
<3
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Being alive is a good thing
So there was an ACTUAL close call yesterday...my sister called yesterday & said that she thought my dad might be having a stroke. I freaked out!! That is literally my worst fear - that something will happen at home & I'm in Cali and can't get back in time for it. Anyways everything is fine...he's been diagnosed with Bell's Palsy (which we did out in Cali way before the people at Northside Hospital did in GA, Stanford med students & physicians don't even NEED all those fancy tests lol) which is also known as idiopathic facial paralysis, which means nobody knows what causes it or how to really treat it. He's fine & I'm mucho happy about that.
We (me, Tania, Alison) randomly went out to this place called Monte Carlo last night, just to get away from the perpetual med student crowd and hang around new people. It ended up being this club fullll of Spanish people who all knew the same dances so when this band started playing, we just sat around and watched. It was actually one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile. Such intimate dancing too! It was astounding... I'm planning on a chill weekend to sleep & catch up with work. We have a Biochem final on the 8th & even though it's Halloween weekend, I really just need to hang out in my room and get things done. Sometimes you need weekends like this, I have to remind myself of that since there's something going on EVERY single weekend!!
Also loving my lab - I can't wait till I get to start doing mouse work but I'm really starting to understand more of the project and the technical details so that's always a good thing. I'm probably going to go in and do some work later today :) My PI also emailed me to make sure my dad was okay, which I thought was a very nice gesture. Such thesis lab potential!! Anyways that's all the updates - not too many this time around (less drama=great thing, at least for now)
<3
PS: Freaking in love with Ray Lamontagne right now. Holy gee - why has no one told me about him yet??
We (me, Tania, Alison) randomly went out to this place called Monte Carlo last night, just to get away from the perpetual med student crowd and hang around new people. It ended up being this club fullll of Spanish people who all knew the same dances so when this band started playing, we just sat around and watched. It was actually one of the most entertaining things I've seen in awhile. Such intimate dancing too! It was astounding... I'm planning on a chill weekend to sleep & catch up with work. We have a Biochem final on the 8th & even though it's Halloween weekend, I really just need to hang out in my room and get things done. Sometimes you need weekends like this, I have to remind myself of that since there's something going on EVERY single weekend!!
Also loving my lab - I can't wait till I get to start doing mouse work but I'm really starting to understand more of the project and the technical details so that's always a good thing. I'm probably going to go in and do some work later today :) My PI also emailed me to make sure my dad was okay, which I thought was a very nice gesture. Such thesis lab potential!! Anyways that's all the updates - not too many this time around (less drama=great thing, at least for now)
<3
PS: Freaking in love with Ray Lamontagne right now. Holy gee - why has no one told me about him yet??
Friday, October 22, 2010
Busy, busy week!
So I finally started in lab this week :) *the big jazz smile* I love love love it! I'm getting to do flow cytometry, which is a technique that I've been wanting to master. I love how much it equally requires precision & an understanding of exactly what you're looking for and why. BIG PICTURE: I'm working on a study with end-stage breast cancer patients where their sleep patterns are being monitored over the course of 24 hours. The thought is that your circadian rhythms & immune system are intimately intertwined & that by monitoring these patients (along with "normal" patients), we'll be able to quantify how & when these patterns are disturbed along the course of their individual diseases. Sad part though - in order to really understand the predictive capacity & complicated relationships of all the markers we're looking at, I'm pretty sure the patients would have to die :( I don't understand nearly everything yet, and we OBVIOUSLY hope that everyone lives (& the physicians are doing everything they can to make sure that's the case), but that is a sad and inevitable part of science/life. I'm pretty sure the goal is to understand these patterns & later to learn how to manipulate them in order to avoid the sucky part of cancer (death). I'm really interested in quality of life issues too though so I'm curious to see where that fits in...
It's basically the kind of work that I want to drown myself in & I really hope I start to understand every intricacy of the data & biology behind it. Unfortunately, life in medical school does not allow for that. This is the small part of me that just wishes I was doing graduate school things...I'd only be taking two classes & able to really jump into research. I still am really happy that I'm doing the MoM program-it will help me understand all the clinical correlations for our research which I think is necessary. Just sucks that I don't have more time...
In other news, I had a very strange epiphany/feeling/realization last night that I realize might sound like "jazz hates men" but I think it's actually a rational one. Or a protective one, maybe. But it's not coming from a bitter place. I think I've come to the conclusion that I would be okay with being a single woman forever.
Would I miss snuggles & kisses? Yes.
Would I miss lies? No.
I'm just not sure that I believe that I could/will find a guy who I am insanely attracted to, completely honest with, & totally in love with the person that he actually is. AND who would be worth investing in. It seems improbable. I've had a lot of high hopes for a lot of guys & it's exhausting. I don't think it's worth it to invest all this energy in a person to eventually be let down. I don't think that has anything to do with any of the guys individually being inherently bad people but maybe it has to do with all men. Or all people (I haven't been in a relationship with a chica, so I can't speak to that...) I feel like your attention & energy is much better spent elsewhere (curing cancer? dancing? learning new hobbies? anything) than fervently hoping that the perfect man will come along & trying to make every guy into "THE ONE". It's silly & when I think about my life and how I want it to go, I feel like I'd be incredibly happy with being an amazing scientist, an influential professor, an awesome aunt, a loyal friend, a caring sister, a good daughter, (a dog-owner?) & maybe even a great mom (we learned about in-vitro this week...haven't fully decided on that yet). But I don't feel like I really NEED to be a girlfriend/fiance/wife.
All these thoughts stemmed from a conversation about relationships last night with some med school amigos, & I can see that a lot of people really want or maybe even need that in their lives. I'm not sure that I do. I like the feeling of having crushes on guys but I recognize that I'm a difficult lady to be with. I think most guys who end up being attracted to me realize that too...they always say "oh you're the perfect woman", "I don't understand why guys aren't treating you like a princess" and so on but they never actually do it themselves...? I am ambitious & selfish & irrational & crazy and lots of other complicated, random things. & it doesn't scare me that I would never get married. I think that frightens a lot of people. So maybe I should just tap out of the relationship race and let another (lonelier?) girl take the guy that I would eventually end up settling down with. Who knows? Just my recent thoughts...
LAST THING - there is a party tonight that is going to be C-R-A-Z-Y. There is $200+ worth of alcohol in MarkyMark's room right now & I am nervous to see what is going to happen with everyone's livers. And bodies. There was a breach of a certain med student's relationship contract at the last party in Mark's room so we'll see what happens tonight. I'm just excited to dance (mostly with Mark, who likes boys? bahaaaa) I don't know when I started to like dancing (I never went out "dancing" in GA & I even wrote about how I didn't really like it in some post on here) but it's a great stress reliever now and I have tons of fun with Mark. So I'll be there in a couple of hours & hopefully alive tomorrow morning. Someone check on that in about 16 hours...
Anyways, miss you all!! <3
It's basically the kind of work that I want to drown myself in & I really hope I start to understand every intricacy of the data & biology behind it. Unfortunately, life in medical school does not allow for that. This is the small part of me that just wishes I was doing graduate school things...I'd only be taking two classes & able to really jump into research. I still am really happy that I'm doing the MoM program-it will help me understand all the clinical correlations for our research which I think is necessary. Just sucks that I don't have more time...
In other news, I had a very strange epiphany/feeling/realization last night that I realize might sound like "jazz hates men" but I think it's actually a rational one. Or a protective one, maybe. But it's not coming from a bitter place. I think I've come to the conclusion that I would be okay with being a single woman forever.
Would I miss snuggles & kisses? Yes.
Would I miss lies? No.
I'm just not sure that I believe that I could/will find a guy who I am insanely attracted to, completely honest with, & totally in love with the person that he actually is. AND who would be worth investing in. It seems improbable. I've had a lot of high hopes for a lot of guys & it's exhausting. I don't think it's worth it to invest all this energy in a person to eventually be let down. I don't think that has anything to do with any of the guys individually being inherently bad people but maybe it has to do with all men. Or all people (I haven't been in a relationship with a chica, so I can't speak to that...) I feel like your attention & energy is much better spent elsewhere (curing cancer? dancing? learning new hobbies? anything) than fervently hoping that the perfect man will come along & trying to make every guy into "THE ONE". It's silly & when I think about my life and how I want it to go, I feel like I'd be incredibly happy with being an amazing scientist, an influential professor, an awesome aunt, a loyal friend, a caring sister, a good daughter, (a dog-owner?) & maybe even a great mom (we learned about in-vitro this week...haven't fully decided on that yet). But I don't feel like I really NEED to be a girlfriend/fiance/wife.
All these thoughts stemmed from a conversation about relationships last night with some med school amigos, & I can see that a lot of people really want or maybe even need that in their lives. I'm not sure that I do. I like the feeling of having crushes on guys but I recognize that I'm a difficult lady to be with. I think most guys who end up being attracted to me realize that too...they always say "oh you're the perfect woman", "I don't understand why guys aren't treating you like a princess" and so on but they never actually do it themselves...? I am ambitious & selfish & irrational & crazy and lots of other complicated, random things. & it doesn't scare me that I would never get married. I think that frightens a lot of people. So maybe I should just tap out of the relationship race and let another (lonelier?) girl take the guy that I would eventually end up settling down with. Who knows? Just my recent thoughts...
LAST THING - there is a party tonight that is going to be C-R-A-Z-Y. There is $200+ worth of alcohol in MarkyMark's room right now & I am nervous to see what is going to happen with everyone's livers. And bodies. There was a breach of a certain med student's relationship contract at the last party in Mark's room so we'll see what happens tonight. I'm just excited to dance (mostly with Mark, who likes boys? bahaaaa) I don't know when I started to like dancing (I never went out "dancing" in GA & I even wrote about how I didn't really like it in some post on here) but it's a great stress reliever now and I have tons of fun with Mark. So I'll be there in a couple of hours & hopefully alive tomorrow morning. Someone check on that in about 16 hours...
Anyways, miss you all!! <3
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Hallelujah!
The week is looking up :) Still 10 million things to do, but I feel much better about all of them now. So updates from the last post:
1. Still have to apply for NSF but I don't have to worry so much about my Stanford recommender anymore after talking to my program director which is nice. I still need to get everything together for it though...I'm also applying for the Ford Foundation Fellowship so maybe one of them will work out?
2. Got an email at 1:22 this morning from my dream PI saying "Welcome to the lab!" WAHOOOO!!! I guess I was going through some screening process I was unaware of but they must like me at least a little bit. So excited! I'm hopefully starting work this week. Can.Not.Wait.!! I really love the work they're doing & I'm just anxious to be a lab rat again.
3. Moonlighting was pretty awesome! So fun hanging out with everyone as usual, a few drunken mishaps but nothing major...overall wonderful :) I'll post a pic at the end of this
4. Just got back from brunch & grocery shopping...it's rainy outside today so I'm not feeling like going to the potluck for BGSA & I didn't end up going to the Shaking the Foundations thing for the law school since I was pretty busy Friday & Saturday. (By busy, I partially mean napping...)
5. Generally feel much happier & back in balance again...what a nice feeling :) Here's to trying to keep that up throughout the week
Good times! Off to try & get work done before the napping feelings take over. Adios <3
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Don't you love it when...
...your week completely implodes? No? Me neither...
Summary of this week's events:
1. Found out I'm REQUIRED to apply for an NSF graduate fellowship this year. Not strongly encouraged. Not "You're a great applicant, you should definitely do it". R-e-q-u-i-r-e-d. By the Cancer Biology program. Ooh, also? IT'S DUE IN A MONTH. Not happy about this, especially since I'm not even on the Cancer Biology training grant!! I wouldn't even be saving them money by winning the fellowship. Moving on...
2. Still not working in lab. I'm ultra-sensitive about this right now. I went to meet with the lab manager in the lab I realllyyyy want to be in & basically told them that I would do whatever they need me to be doing. They're being really deliberate & considerate of my currently busy schedule & want to make sure I have a good experience which is great but I just want to be working again! One of my fellow MOM students made me feel so bad about it today...she was like "How's your rotation going?" I told her that I hadn't officially started in the lab yet & she slowly looked at her watch and goes "Oh...isn't it the third week of the quarter already?" GAHHHH YES I KNOW THIS WOMAN!! She's also Singaporean (sp?), spent time at Oxford & is generally socially strange. Her introduction to this conversation with me was "Well, no one is talking to me & everyone wants to be talking to you so I'm coming over here". Should have seen something ridiculous coming...I should have taken it with a grain of salt but it really got under my skin.
3. Guy in my class that's randomly been doing awkward things/saying awkward things? He has a girlfriend! Recently discovered by everyone in the class. That makes so many of our interactions so freaking inappropriate & I am not happy that I was involuntarily (in terms of ignorance, not being coerced into doing anything) involved in this breach of relationship contract. Ugh! Future plans include ignoring him indefinitely.
4. Guy from middle school/high school that came back full force over Christmas? HEYYY he sent me a little textie last night. Of course! Convo:
- Him: Can you believe it's about to be a year? I just drove past waffle house and thought about you.
*Jazz Thoughts: So glad I remind you of WaHo? Classyyyy...
- Me: :) you confuse me BP...I never understood your thoughts on the whole situation since you like to keep things mysterious.
-Him: I do and I'm really kicking myself for that now. *shrug* :)
*Jazz Thoughts: I don't understand why you're not more apologetic about this...
-Me: Mystery is overrated dude, you were supposed to be the honest one? :(
-Him: It's funny cause I want to be to you. Not for anyone else though. I just got into the habit of mysteriousness. I don't always mean to do it.
*Jazz Thoughts: Aww, so sweet!!! Wait, not sweet. NOT sweet. You're the one that keeps saying you're going to do something & then not doing it.
- Him: When are you going to be in GA again?
*Jazz Thoughts: Trouble.
- Me: Mm either way, you're equally good at it...I'll be home for Thanksgiving definitely, hopefully Christmas too
- Him: Nice. Alright. It's mad early/late. Peace
*Jazz Thoughts: Oh my freaking gee you're the one that texted me fool! Way to insert yourself into my life again & leave quickly againnnn
- Me: Bye [name has been redacted from the text record]
Overall thoughts about this: WTF?!
5. The redeeming fact for this week so far - I did sign up to teach a class at this event they have every year called SPLASH! My class is on making vision boards & I'm hoping it will be super productive, both for me & for the little kiddies I'll be teaching for a day. I'm really excited about it.
Predictions for the rest of this week's events:
1. Severeeeee alcoholism. (!!!)
2. Formal! I'm actually excited. I think it will be really beautiful, even though there's also this drama swirling. We're going to dinner before with 30 people. Geez! I'm excited to wear my dress, hopefully I'll be feeling like a pretty pretty princess (Kaiya style)
3. A few cute things this weekend besides formal - a brunch with mi amiga que habla espanol y otros companeros and also a potluck at one of the girls' houses who is in BGSA. So cultural! I need to expand past my Asian boundaries lol...also a conference w/ the law school called Shaking the Foundations that should have a few interesting panels and delicious food!
4. I think I'm going to try and reserve tomorrow for restoring sanity. It's time to revamp jazzy maintenance days. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this yet - maybe a walk around The Dish or a delicious meal or a good movie. Something to get me back to my normal again. And hopefully also a little bit of productivity...I've felt so off this week & I hate that feeling.
Anyways, back to work now! I'm going to try & go to bed in the next hour or so, I think I need to be getting more sleep. Last thing - watch this video if you haven't seen it already, it's really great & I think he discusses a lot of the reasons why this recent wave of suicides is so devastating. As always with YouTube videos, ignore the comments below the video. So symptomatic of the problems we have in this country, people are nutso...
Lovesies!! <3
Summary of this week's events:
1. Found out I'm REQUIRED to apply for an NSF graduate fellowship this year. Not strongly encouraged. Not "You're a great applicant, you should definitely do it". R-e-q-u-i-r-e-d. By the Cancer Biology program. Ooh, also? IT'S DUE IN A MONTH. Not happy about this, especially since I'm not even on the Cancer Biology training grant!! I wouldn't even be saving them money by winning the fellowship. Moving on...
2. Still not working in lab. I'm ultra-sensitive about this right now. I went to meet with the lab manager in the lab I realllyyyy want to be in & basically told them that I would do whatever they need me to be doing. They're being really deliberate & considerate of my currently busy schedule & want to make sure I have a good experience which is great but I just want to be working again! One of my fellow MOM students made me feel so bad about it today...she was like "How's your rotation going?" I told her that I hadn't officially started in the lab yet & she slowly looked at her watch and goes "Oh...isn't it the third week of the quarter already?" GAHHHH YES I KNOW THIS WOMAN!! She's also Singaporean (sp?), spent time at Oxford & is generally socially strange. Her introduction to this conversation with me was "Well, no one is talking to me & everyone wants to be talking to you so I'm coming over here". Should have seen something ridiculous coming...I should have taken it with a grain of salt but it really got under my skin.
3. Guy in my class that's randomly been doing awkward things/saying awkward things? He has a girlfriend! Recently discovered by everyone in the class. That makes so many of our interactions so freaking inappropriate & I am not happy that I was involuntarily (in terms of ignorance, not being coerced into doing anything) involved in this breach of relationship contract. Ugh! Future plans include ignoring him indefinitely.
4. Guy from middle school/high school that came back full force over Christmas? HEYYY he sent me a little textie last night. Of course! Convo:
- Him: Can you believe it's about to be a year? I just drove past waffle house and thought about you.
*Jazz Thoughts: So glad I remind you of WaHo? Classyyyy...
- Me: :) you confuse me BP...I never understood your thoughts on the whole situation since you like to keep things mysterious.
-Him: I do and I'm really kicking myself for that now. *shrug* :)
*Jazz Thoughts: I don't understand why you're not more apologetic about this...
-Me: Mystery is overrated dude, you were supposed to be the honest one? :(
-Him: It's funny cause I want to be to you. Not for anyone else though. I just got into the habit of mysteriousness. I don't always mean to do it.
*Jazz Thoughts: Aww, so sweet!!! Wait, not sweet. NOT sweet. You're the one that keeps saying you're going to do something & then not doing it.
- Him: When are you going to be in GA again?
*Jazz Thoughts: Trouble.
- Me: Mm either way, you're equally good at it...I'll be home for Thanksgiving definitely, hopefully Christmas too
- Him: Nice. Alright. It's mad early/late. Peace
*Jazz Thoughts: Oh my freaking gee you're the one that texted me fool! Way to insert yourself into my life again & leave quickly againnnn
- Me: Bye [name has been redacted from the text record]
Overall thoughts about this: WTF?!
5. The redeeming fact for this week so far - I did sign up to teach a class at this event they have every year called SPLASH! My class is on making vision boards & I'm hoping it will be super productive, both for me & for the little kiddies I'll be teaching for a day. I'm really excited about it.
Predictions for the rest of this week's events:
1. Severeeeee alcoholism. (!!!)
2. Formal! I'm actually excited. I think it will be really beautiful, even though there's also this drama swirling. We're going to dinner before with 30 people. Geez! I'm excited to wear my dress, hopefully I'll be feeling like a pretty pretty princess (Kaiya style)
3. A few cute things this weekend besides formal - a brunch with mi amiga que habla espanol y otros companeros and also a potluck at one of the girls' houses who is in BGSA. So cultural! I need to expand past my Asian boundaries lol...also a conference w/ the law school called Shaking the Foundations that should have a few interesting panels and delicious food!
4. I think I'm going to try and reserve tomorrow for restoring sanity. It's time to revamp jazzy maintenance days. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this yet - maybe a walk around The Dish or a delicious meal or a good movie. Something to get me back to my normal again. And hopefully also a little bit of productivity...I've felt so off this week & I hate that feeling.
Anyways, back to work now! I'm going to try & go to bed in the next hour or so, I think I need to be getting more sleep. Last thing - watch this video if you haven't seen it already, it's really great & I think he discusses a lot of the reasons why this recent wave of suicides is so devastating. As always with YouTube videos, ignore the comments below the video. So symptomatic of the problems we have in this country, people are nutso...
Lovesies!! <3
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I believe in soulmates...
...at least for now, and by soulmates I mean those of the research variety. Oh em gee! I think these are easier to find than the romantic ones...since those may or may not exist ;)
I went in to meet with a professor today (this guy, Firdaus Dhabhar) & the meeting went superrrrr well. He basically brought up everything that I love & that I think is important in terms of science & life. He works on lots of things that I find interesting & that hit very close to home (breast cancer, immune function, stress, sleeping, translational research, working with mice, access to patient samples, mental health issues, etc etc) & I'm hoping/kinda thinking that...this might be my thesis lab?
WHOA DUDE. WHOA. Of course I have to wait & see how the actual rotation goes & there are a few details to work out but I don't know how all of the things I thought were important & the techniques and types of science I really want to learn could be integrated more seamlessly in another lab. He has moved to Stanford recently from Ohio so there is the concern that he doesn't have graduate students right now. That's not actually a huge concern, I think, because he was recruited here & has had graduate students in his lab previously. It's just been a time of transition with getting his animal facilities set up out here in Cali. I'm hopefully going to meet with some of the lab members relatively soon but I'm mucho excited!
Aside from the science, one of the things that really struck me about our meeting was how much he valued honesty & wanting to know things outside of my research interests. I really feel like I could be open with him & in times of vulnerability (which will certainly come as a graduate student), I think that's really critical for success in a program. We talked about everything from family stuff to integrating Western & Eastern methodologies with regards to science and medicine. Basically it was the perfect mix of all things jazz & I could not be more stoked. SCORE!!! I can not freaking wait to get back into lab
Other than that, I just watched the latest episode of Glee & it was tres emotional! Geez man, they should have given you a warning at the beginning of the episode or something. Off to be productive for the rest of the night!
kiss kiss :)
I went in to meet with a professor today (this guy, Firdaus Dhabhar) & the meeting went superrrrr well. He basically brought up everything that I love & that I think is important in terms of science & life. He works on lots of things that I find interesting & that hit very close to home (breast cancer, immune function, stress, sleeping, translational research, working with mice, access to patient samples, mental health issues, etc etc) & I'm hoping/kinda thinking that...this might be my thesis lab?
WHOA DUDE. WHOA. Of course I have to wait & see how the actual rotation goes & there are a few details to work out but I don't know how all of the things I thought were important & the techniques and types of science I really want to learn could be integrated more seamlessly in another lab. He has moved to Stanford recently from Ohio so there is the concern that he doesn't have graduate students right now. That's not actually a huge concern, I think, because he was recruited here & has had graduate students in his lab previously. It's just been a time of transition with getting his animal facilities set up out here in Cali. I'm hopefully going to meet with some of the lab members relatively soon but I'm mucho excited!
Aside from the science, one of the things that really struck me about our meeting was how much he valued honesty & wanting to know things outside of my research interests. I really feel like I could be open with him & in times of vulnerability (which will certainly come as a graduate student), I think that's really critical for success in a program. We talked about everything from family stuff to integrating Western & Eastern methodologies with regards to science and medicine. Basically it was the perfect mix of all things jazz & I could not be more stoked. SCORE!!! I can not freaking wait to get back into lab
Other than that, I just watched the latest episode of Glee & it was tres emotional! Geez man, they should have given you a warning at the beginning of the episode or something. Off to be productive for the rest of the night!
kiss kiss :)
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