Back to basics...

So finals did NOT go so well...everything is going to work out fine, but I'm just bummed that I didn't do as well as I thought I did right after the final. I went in to talk to one of my professors from mini-quarter (i.e, the one we just ended) & it was a really great talk that made me think a lot about how the person I am affects how I approach academics. I had never really talked one-on-one with him...I think that's also something I wish I had learned more in undergrad - I never learned how to talk with the professors I was actually taking classes with. I knew a lot of the faculty in the Honors program & really got along well with them but never got over the professor/student barrier in my classes.

We talked through a lot of things in the meeting & it was nice to hear his impression of me...he's a very relatable professor & he said that I seemed like an outgoing person who could potentially be a role model for a lot of people. He also said that he thinks I was the type to have a lot of friends in undergrad? (He also said he thought I would be in a sorority, which was definitely off) I think I took it for granted when people would say that type of stuff in GA but it was nice to hear from a really well-established professor here. It's also nice to feel like there are people here who are really invested in my success when there are a million other things they could be doing. I love Stanford :)

We also got down to what I think is the source of a lot of stress for me: I've never really learned how to ask for help? I'm not really that great at showing weaknesses either. I feel like I'm okay with admitting character or personality flaws (like how I'm not great at sustained human contact, I tend to make weird noises & voices, blablabla) but I have a hard time owning up to the things that I haven't quite figured out on my own yet. I'm sure a lot of that has to do with how I've been raised & the person that I am regardless of my environment but it's tough to fix. I need to learn how to ask questions more often without feeling dumb for not knowing every single answer. As he said (& I definitely agree), it will make me a better scientist and a better human being. It was also nice to hear from him that he thought I'd done really well here so far with adjusting after moving to the other side of the country & also the constructive criticism he had with moving forward in this next quarter. Hopefully I'll make some major improvements :) My goals are to try and be even more organized & to not feel pressured to study with the people I've become close with because they might not be the best study partners. It's a work in progress!

I am really fortunate though to feel so comfortable with a lot of the people here...one of my closest friends here has been feeling really homesick lately & I can't imagine what that would be like on top of all the stress with classes. So thankful for the people I'm close with! I think feeling a million times more comfortable with myself now has made the adjustment here much easier than the adjustment during freshman year of undergrad...WHAT.A.MESS.!!

As for the fun side of things - the party bus was RIDICULOUS! Holy moly, never in my life have I experienced such craziness. It was so nice hanging out with everyone & getting to share 1/3 of my birthday weekend with some amazing people. There were definitely some interesting moments with members of the opposite sex - I had SOOO much fun dancing with one of the guys that I hadn't really gotten to know before the trip but I don't think there's any attraction there. I will be requesting that he dances with me at every single event from now on though ;) I also had a weird conversation with one of the guys I initially had a crush on about "the last guy I dated"...I think the conversation was actually about if we could date each other? Strangest thing, I get so confused when there's a conversation that I'm actually having with a person and an entirely different subtext going on. Too much thinking!! I also got to hang out more with one guy that I really want to be close friends with (who also turns out to be a great snuggler, which is a huge bonus) & another guy that really confuses me/doesn't say words. People do say words when they're intoxicated though regardless of how shy they are so I got more information out of him about why he's taking a little bit longer to adjust to life out here. I wanted to try & be friends with him but that's too hard so...we can just be party friends. He's close friends with the snuggler though so maybe I'll make them food...I love being a veg out here but sometimes I think the crazy eating does not go over well for boys. Southern food is universal!! It still surprises me how many people really want to be in a relationship right now though...so not ready for that! I barely have enough free time for myself...

The rest of the birthday weekend was also really great...we went out to eat for dinner at this ramen place (RAMEN IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT'S NOT IN A PACKAGE PEOPLE!!) followed up by boba. These are my absolute obsessions now. It was nice to have people celebrate with me - I've never really had a big group of people go somewhere with me to celebrate my birthday & there were 20 people at dinner! That's like 25% of our class, I felt so loved :) Also one of the girls in my Masters' program got me the cutest little gifts that I'm pretty sure are directly from China...I felt bad though because her birthday was last Sunday (the 19th) but she didn't tell anyone because of finals. I've been making a special effort to talk to her because I think she's a little bit more shy with moving here so recently & also with the slight language barrier. She does have a boyfriend though which I just found out, how saucy!!

Mm last thing before the end-of-night study time - I'm taking a hip hop class! I love it & that's one of the things that I really wanted to do when I got out here. I'm happy I'm following through on that & my vegetarian ways. Anyways, miss you all! Thanks for all the birthday voicemails & love...phone calls have become way too stressful so I hope this will be an acceptable alternative.

<3

Oh PS: My first quote in a Stanford publication- click here!