Ahhh!!

Haven't written an entry in over a month - whoa dude! This is what my life has consisted of lately (and if you look closely, you can see my pink & black headbands in the same row with my friend Hong-An in the pink shirt! This is our Neuro exam & yes, Stanford provided us with the rows and rows of MacBook Pros...too much)

There's so much I COULD write about - it's currently 4:38 in the morning & I can't sleep. I've gotten used to the finals schedule and can't get off of my screwed-up sleep/wake cycle just yet. EFFFF I hope this resolves itself soon. There have been boy problems, a lot of interesting life revelations especially the past 2/3 days, and general updates galore. BUT...my brain hurts. So this update is just a "Hey! I'm still alive" one - a real one with actual content to come soon :)

<3

Quick Updates

Ehh...life is seriously picking up the pace. We're entering crunch time now in classes & I am trying to be as studious as I know how and reviewing with lots of Winter Quarter experts.

I missed a meeting today with the director of the MoM program, gahh! I hate missing meetings :( I don't know that I've ever completely missed a meeting I intended to go to? Luckily he had extra time in the afternoon. It wasn't exactly a stress-free meeting - he asked why I was rotating this quarter since everyone is so busy and complains a lot about the amount of work we have. It's hard because I guess I got used to the FF/Honors style of doing things, where you knew exactly what to do and if you didn't, you always knew who would have the answers. That hasn't really been the case thus far, which is frustrating :( I really wish I had more communication with my home department and/or more general direction...

...and lab. Oh lab! I think the love affair might be over - I feel like I'm working REALLY hard in this lab on top of all my school work but I'm starting to have doubts about whether or not this is the right fit for me as a graduate student. I was proud of myself today for finally finishing a big part of the data analysis but when I sent it to my PI, the response was not "Here are some suggestions, keep up the good work!" but "Here are 9 more things to do." I'm not sure he read the email I sent him? Some of the things he told me to do were things that I told him I needed to do in the email...I absolutely love the research & the approach we're taking but there are some things I am starting to hear from the lab members and styles of communication that are concerning to me, especially considering this for the long haul. I'm excited to see how my next rotation goes w/ Max Diehn in the spring, he's very laidback but knowledgeable and explains things clearly. He also is housed in the newest building on the med school campus - the Lokey Stem Cell Center, which is apparently a good sign according to some fellow grad students. Can't wait! I also can't wait for Spring quarter in general: more time (!), fewer classes (!!), better weather (!!!). Right now, it sounds like a dream :)

It's frustrating to me because the more I learn about new things, the more I really love research and the idea of research. BUT I can't seem to find a lab with that "it" factor: an invested mentor, a pretty interesting project, and a good composition of lab members. Such a tough task! I'm 100% ready and willing to spend long nights in lab...I kinda love that stuff? I just wish I had the time to do it and the right mentor/lab to do it with.

'tis all, time to study! <3 <3

Study Break

Lots of interesting happenings in the past week...

1. I got the TA position! I'm really excited about helping the kiddies & make a little extra moola...the best of both worlds. Seriously can not wait for this summer...even Spring Quarter really, having classes from 9-5 is really a major time burden. I've mostly stopped going to morning classes - I think I'm becoming fully nocturnal & our classes are all videotaped so it makes more sense (to me, at least) to stay up until 4 AM studying, sleep until 11, then go to afternoon classes. Our schedule is pretty conducive to doing this too - the classes that I can't miss (neuro lab, anatomy lab, Cancer Bio journal club, Translational Immunology lecture series on Mondays) are all in the afternoon. Then I can go to lab, be more alert & stay for longer :) Really enjoying this plan

2. Went to an actual gay club for the first time Friday night for my lovie D.Kim's birthday...we had gone to a small club before but this was the real homosexual deal. His boyfriend surprised him for his birthday - it was so cute!!! Can I be a gay man? My initial plan was to try and be lezzo but that quickly failed when I was watching (gawking at, maybe?) the male go-go dancers and mourning the loss of a beautiful man who was very much my physical type but also very much gay. Wahhhh :( We decided among the girls that I am probably the least potentially bisexual along with another girl in our group (we're both at 4% lezlike on the sexual spectrum...other chicas are ranging from 12%-17%) Win some, lose some. At least I can say I gave it a shot? Hahaaaa

3. Didn't do as well on my HHD midterm as I wanted to...it's frustrating to study so so SO much & not do really well. I think this part of my education will very much be a work in progress all the time, and a serious learning process. I'll come out super knowledgeable & resilient on the other side though, I think. I hope?

4. Went rock climbing on Thursday! It was tons of fun, but I need to find a consistent belay partner. & I went to this class today called UJam Fitness today that was awesome...lots of salsa, burlesque-y & hip-hop music. I'm going to try to start going to more of the fitness classes they offer in one of the graduate dorms - it's convenient & a good way to get away from staying in LKSC (the med school building) allllll day :)

5. Starting to feel very much like an old lady - I've been getting lots of emails this week about FF stuff for interview weekend & an Honors Program alumni board. WTF, how did this happen so fast!? I'm not ready to be taken seriously yet...I still feel like a 17-year old high school senior sometimes. Really confusing...

6. Realized/realizing that I really want to do research that is super interesting & integrates a lot of different things that I'm interested in. This seems obvious but it's easy to fall into very super sciency research at this stage in my education I think...which doesn't seem 100% interesting to me. I like scientists who research things like pain & stress & happiness and things that are relevant to the public at large. Things that I think would be helpful to learn more about. Not random proteins or signal transduction pathways. Also important but not sure I'd want to do it for my whole life...my latest thought has been to research stress and its physiological role in women's cancers particularly. Our lab is studying caregivers now (typically women who have children w/ very serious diseases) which I think is a really interesting take on cancer bio-related things. I've been thinking more about the type of career I'd like to have and I think this is closer to the realm I'd like to eventually be in...still unsure on whether or not I'd want to go into academia though. Seems like constant pressure for very little reward.

I think this is it? I still want to get a few hours of studying in, straighten my hair, and face mask it up. I've been getting pimples in weird places like my neck & my eyebrow. TMI? Maybe, but it's been totally weird & no me gusta. I think my eyes are getting bad too, the screen looks really blurry right now. Time for an eye exam...

<3 <3

Things I Love About Living In Cali - Saturday Edition

1. I like my family so much more - they're such amusing people when I'm not in the house with them. New hilarious things my niece is saying: "I lost my happy", "I was having a good old time!" (reason why she couldn't stop playing when her preschool teacher told her to line up)...New hilarious thing my father is saying: Calling texting 'pinging' & something else I can't remember...savetime? spacetime?

2. The millions of washers & dryers in Munger! I'm currently doing my laundry in 4 different laundry machines at the same time, how awesome is that!? If I ever become moderately wealthy, this is the very first thing I'm doing in my house. It saves so much time...there's no reason why anyone should do laundry all day!

3. The grand piano in the lobby :) It's nice to be serenaded while you're waiting for the elevator when random people play really gorgeous music. I'd implement this in my future house plan too, except that might be a little pretentious?

Off to try and focus on work! I didn't get anything done yesterday and there's lots of things to do. <3

Oy

I would like a sex schedule from the people upstairs. Seriously. You're actually causing items in my room to shake, this is way too vigorous. When is it okay to go upstairs & knock? Really want to move off campus, I need to find an old lady to live with...that would be more up my alley.

In other news, stayed home today from class & lab to get over whatever flu-ish thing I have going right now. I feel mostly better, with the exception of quick changes in body temperature & a little bit of head weirdness. Drinking a carton of OJ, sleeping, taking NyQuil, watching Woody Allen movies, & eating Jamaican food from my favorite new restaurant Backayard make for a not so bad sick day. There is also the cutest guy who works at Backayard, too bad I just noticed today and totally walked in non-made up & all flulike. Gahh! He's probably in high school or something but still delightful eye candy ;)

Ehh I'm running out of energy to think of other relevant/interesting things that have happened to me this week. I applied for a TA position for the summer - hopefully I'll get it so I can make some dolla dolla bills, work with Dani as the 2 Cancer Bio TA's, and help out refreshingly naive & ambitious high schoolers. I should find out Tuesday! Tracy Yang will also be here, staying with me and Amanda this weekend & interviewing for med school on Monday. Hopefully I won't be too sick and/or too boring with a midterm and a presentation next week...

Time for Oatmeal Cookie Chunk! (Currently experiencing a hot flash, inevitably to be followed by me freezing...) This is the best ice cream known to mankind...I even bonded with the cashier in Safeway over it. <3 <3

Weekend Update

1. Graffiti Party on Friday - so much fun!! Basically everyone wore a white shirt and then we wrote all over each other with highlighters & gel pens and such. There was a preparty/pregame (my lingo is changing gahhhh Stanford) in Lizzy's room, who is one of the 1st year MD ladies. It was so much fun hanging out with that group of girls, I got to learn more about makeup from Casey/Simone (the girls that Alison & I want to incorporate into an awesome quartet!!) & drink Liquoraguan Death Mix (a potent combination of champagne, vodka, and sugar-free Red Bull. whoa dude) What an amazing Friday night

2. Saturday, I went to PureMovement which was a dance performance that was awesome!! And free, which only added to the awesomeness. The dancers were incredible and the guys' bodies were amazing. Such good eye candy ;)

3. Today, I went to a potluck with lots of delicious goodies & now I'm trying to be productive and get most of the things done on my to-do list for today. I'm doing pretty well so far ;)

Overall, a nicely balanced weekend with equal parts of fun and productivity. Here's to starting the week off right!

<3

Reader Discretion Advised

EVENTS OF THE DAY:
1. Sawed off a man's skull.
2. Went to AsiaSF for Dine About Town with med school peeps for dinner tonight...this is a restaurant where all of the waitresses are transgender ladies
3. Had a very graphic/interesting conversation about heterosexual male sexual preferences from my favorite homosexual male at Stanford (well, maybe tied? there's two faves). Wtf, I thought I'd heard it all then he told me about "donkey punch" !?!!?

Needless to say, today has been quite an interesting day. Anatomy was slightly disturbing - not worse than the day we sawed off the legs for me but a very close second. The lab was filled with what looked like a combination of saw dust & parmesan cheese (sorry for the potentially inappropriate food reference...) while everyone was busy sawing through their skulls. The smell was really the worst part of it all...it was unexpected and unlike any other smell we've experience thus far in lab. The smoke from incinerating the bits of skin left on the skull is apparently why it smelled so...strangely?...and I really did not expect that. I put a mask on pronto. I tried to use the bone saw for a little bit in my group but I don't think I have enough upper body strength for it & having to try and force it only made the whole situation that much more real. I opted for skinning the skull instead (which I realize may not sound like a more humane task, but it really is). A few of the MD peeps posted about how incredible it is that someone would donate their body for this type of learning, which I fully agree with. They also said that they asked about how to donate their bodies after lab, which I still think I will never do. Totally down with someone else using my organs after I'm done with them but something about what we're doing to their bodies seems like you'd never be able to rest in peace. There were quite a few times in lab today where we had to turn him over to saw a specific part of his skull or look at this particular cranial nerve & since we still have his entire torso (as opposed to just his head, like most of the other groups) but only concerned with his head academically, it was impossible to flip him over without his intestines falling out one way or his heart rolling across the table. I don't think it's so much a religious/moral issue for me with donating my body to science as it is how I'd like to treat any prized possession I've had my entire life. If someone else wanted to take my favorite piece of jewelry or pair of jeans & wear them after I was done, I'd be okay with that. I wouldn't want them to just hack it up to see what the insides look like? Meh, different strokes for different folks...

Again, DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS! AsiaSF was very very interesting...the girls were mostly in amazing shape. Makes a girl want to work out! (maybe) One of the girls had apparently just gotten the final shebang so there were lots of references to "the grand opening" and the fact she had "an extra pair of lips". Gahhhh so caught off guard! Fun night though, even though the food wasn't super super delicious. I'm sure there will be pics on fb soon ;)

Sex is such a weird thing. Right? I understand it's basic to human survival or whatever but I think I have such a strange group of friends that I'm never quite sure how to feel about it as a conversation topic. I have two, maybe three, distinct groups of friends when it comes to sexual opinions - (1) Sex is bad/morally wrong-ish before marriage. (2) Sex is good. It happens. People probably shouldn't discuss it publicly and/or enjoy it too much though. (3) Sex is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! Do wild crazy unimaginable, possibly illegal things.

I think moving from a small town (Stockbridge) to a more liberal town (Athens), and then from the South (Georgia) to the West Coast (Cali) is really a study in the breadth of sexual opinions. I think my initial high school discussions of sex were pretty frank...I was friends with girls who were pretty much in the same sexual boat, with us all having our first serious boyfriends (I think?) and figuring out what sex meant & what our boundaries were and how far we could push things with still living in our parents' houses. My parents had never really talked to me about sex & with a shockingly pregnant sister in the house senior year of high school, there was really no time to discuss these types of things with la madre. Great. Fast-forward to freshman year at UGA, where I had this really serious boyfriend & mostly single friends, and all of a sudden I was the most experienced one among the people I hung out with. Huh!? I remember being really uncomfortable with that, and feeling the need to lie because I was still confused about a lot of sexual things when there was no one to discuss it with. Then I was relatively single for junior & senior year of undergrad when a lot of my friends decided it was a good time to get into their first serious relationships. I think there's some disadvantages to doing this later in young adulthood but I think one major advantage of starting to think about what your sexuality means in college is that for the most part, you have the freedom to do so. There aren't really any boundaries or rules you're supposed to follow. Which there definitely are in high school. (Momma's rhetoric was something like the guy's from the Mean Girls - "Don't have sex because you will get pregnant and you will die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't it!! Promise?) I think a lot of my friends are much more liberated when it comes to their opinions on sex because of that. But then I'm also still friends with a few prudes (teeheehee) so I'm never sure exactly where I fit in that spectrum. Who knows man?? No one has a "normal" opinion on sex, I'm just always surprised to hear new sides of the people in my life that I thought I knew pretty well.

Um, I think that's it? There was a new pairing within the med school class that I found out about today that is...surprising. People are all about the hooking up right now. I had a nice thought yesterday, which is that I'm pretty happily single. Because if a really amazing guy came along tomorrow, I really wouldn't have any time to spend on him or with him. Then he'd probably be sad, and who would want the amazing guy to be sad?? I told one of my friends today that it'd be perfect if he came along right after I took qualifying exams next year. She reminded me that I can't exactly plan these things...I did have a moment of missing Brien (Boston Brien, not home Brian obviii) last night because we got along so so well & always laughed together. I'd be okay with him coming back after he got his stuff together & I passed quals ;) I really am starting to appreciate the importance of balance in my life & what that looks like and (sort of) how to get there from where I am now. I think it's a really hard thing, and something you have to work at consciously every day. That's more of what I'm trying to do this quarter & hopefully it will only go up from here. So far, so good

Happy Wednesday!! <3

Neuro=Cookies

The person upstairs is making SO.MUCH.NOISE. Sex? Jumping jacks? Hammering something? Whatever it is, I mentally implore you to stop. I would walk upstairs but I'm not good at the whole jerky neighbor thing. I've had some very aggressive reactions to noise lately (the people I can hear outside my window in the courtyard, the trucks that I hear every.single.morning., general interruptions to me thinking/studying/sleeping) which I think is an indication that I need to move into a quiet, residential area prontooooo. I really want to get an apartment sooner rather than later. And I'll definitely be getting a place by myself. Munger is not the place for me. And neither is anything with more than 1 bedroom. My roommate is okay, but she's getting progressively messier/lazier and even though I'm not the cleanest, most efficient person in the world, it's getting a little too annoying. Really not good at dealing with other people's shortcomings. I also don't like people trying to keep track of me (i.e, "I never see you!" Uh, duh? I'm taking 25 hours and doing research, I only see the people who are in those places. I didn't come to grad school to become MORE social...) #endofrant

We get cookies every week after neuro lab, hooray!!! I think this is a great way to encourage attendance and general happiness about the material. Not sure why everyone is not doing the same for our classes? This is also one of the few classes, maybe the only class, I have with a combination of med students, grad students and undergrads. It's fun :) I'm also trying to keep up with the neuro stuff so it wasn't too too confusing today. I always love it when that happens...

LONG WEEKEND COMING!! "Eurotrash" party tomorrow (still have to figure out what that means) and probably just sleeping and studying besides that. I loooovvveeee having a day off, even though I'll probably still go to lab on Monday? Study time!

<3

1.11.11.

One of my classmates made the astute observation that we only have more year when we'll get this repeating date phenomenon (although technically, he should have waited until November to say such a thing). I mean, until the year 3000. Which I probably won't be around then & I'm thinking you guys won't either. Sad that there's no 13th month so we can keep this thing going. So sad, I'll miss it.

The New Things:
I really don't enjoy when people call me a bitch. Even jokingly. One of my friends did that today in class and it bothered me. Which is weird, bc I think it's really funny when someone says something about another person/group of people & I get to say "betch/betches". I don't know why the word "bitch" sounds so much harsher than saying "betch". Mean Girls maybe?

We've coined this new term here at Stanford, "sniper". Similar to gunner but different in one very important way - a sniper keeps his/her lofty study goals private. My goal this quarter? To be a sniper. I don't want to be hypercompetitive in the least but I really want to stay on top of everything this quarter - I've been trying to pre-read for lectures and take lots of notes in class and go a little bit above and beyond to make sure I'm doing well this quarter. Jasmaine = sniper until further notice...

I've been watching Bones as my newest NetFlix obsession!

Anatomy of the head and neck is not as disturbing as I anticipated. We dissected most of the scalp & around the eyes today...it helps that the eyes look nothing like a living human being's eyes. Doesn't help that our man has stubble...it humanizes him just a little bit too much. Still, it's very interesting. Especially with my dad having Bell's Palsy right now, I care about the facial nerve (Cranial Nerve VII dudes) just a little bit more than I would normally.

I think that's it? Really excited for the long weekend. Might be going up to Berkeley to hang out on Sunday. There's a party this weekend too (apparently, there's a party every weekend this quarter) but I think I might need to get some rest in. We'll see.

LATA DUDES

Just got paid, Friday nightttttt :)

Def got my refund today & spent lots of money paying off my credit card bill and buying delicious (and mostly healthy!) groceries...

STORIES FROM TODAY:

1. Totally got in a bike crash this morning on my way to class. This undergrad just randomly decides to stop in the middle of an intersection (!!!) so I 100% T-boned her bike. Stanford undergrads are supposed to be the cream of the crop, right? The bottom of my shoe was broken (...I need to buy new black flats anyways) but other than that **no humans were harmed in this accident** I do need to brush up on what happens if indeed I get in an accident where someone is hurt, obvi

2. Ginkgo biloba is.the.shiznit. I bought it today & will 100% be including this in my new vitamin regimen

3. Evaluation of the first week of classes: There is a TON of stuff in your brain. For real for real. This quarter will require lots & lots of focus. I figured out that if I draw pretty pictures on my notes and write in more colors, I pay more attention. Learning about what weed does to your brain is also an effective attention strategy...

4. Just made an amaretto sour with grenadine. Favorite.drink.ever! (or rather, favorite drink for right now)

5. Did you guys know it's a California state law that you can't return alcohol? Learned that the hard way after buying a $20 bottle of Disaronno at Safeway and finding a $6 bottle of amaretto at Trader Joe's. :( Probably not a horrible thing that I have extra liquor laying around though...it's going to be a looonnngggg quarter

I think that's it? Weekend plans are pretty awesome - chilling/studying tonight, potluck at a friend's house tomorrow afternoon, UCSF/Stanford mixer tomorrow night in San Fran. Wahoooo!! TGIF

<3

PS I've been hearing rumors that there was some sort of earthquake in NorCal...? Didn't feel a thing

Lessons for 2011

#1 I'm back in Palo Alto!!! So much stuff to get done today, but overall I'm happy to be back & I'm happy when I see my faves here...this is a good sign & very promising for this quarter

#2 It's freaking 2011!! It takes me approximately 6 months to adjust to writing the next year when I write the date so by June, I'll be comfortable with this year. Then the year changes so quickly...so dificil

#3 Seeing all my Georgia faves was amazing...really rejuvenating (though that also could have been the 10+ hours of sleep I was getting at home). Even though I absolutely adore a few people out here, I don't know that I've really adjusted to being my full jazzy self (read this as a general adjective similar to excited or enthused & not as a specific reference to Jasmaine Denice Williams, as I am categorically less jazzy with all the work here) with everyone here. There are so many strange things I do or like to say & I can't pull them all out of the box at once...or else I'm sure one of my MD friends would diagnose me with some sort of psychiatric illness (issue?) I miss the people at home, but I don't think I miss living in Georgia.

SOOOO resolutions for this year: (Everyone says they don't make them, but everyone does b/c why wouldn't you try to make this year better than the last??)

1. Pre-read for every class, no exceptions. Even if I'm exhausted. I really want to stay on top of things this quarter.
2. Asleep by 12:30 every night
3. Exercise of some sort...? My google searches over the break ranged from relatively expensive gym memberships in Palo Alto to hip hop classes to yoga classes to pole dancing classes...decisions have not been made on this front. Either way, I think I need to get out of my room more. I had a surprising thought to start working out early in the mornings before class, which caught me completely off-guard. If I do well with #2, maybe this will be possible?
4. Make a budget! (Shoutout to E.Hollz for the mint.com tip) I did okay last quarter...somehow I never end up broke (excluding first semester of freshman year) which is amazing, considering I never think about how much I'm spending. I want to try to save a little moola for when I move into an apartment so I can buy furniture & stuffz
5. Make a list of all the important people in my life that I need to keep in touch with & rotate through the list every couple of days to talk to all of those people. Horrible...h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e....HORRIBLE job at staying in contact last year, but I think it would have been entirely too overwhelming for me personally to try and do that. This quarter, my whole goal is "school/life balance". Constantly a work in progress...
6. Take vitamins (with a nice, nutritious breakfast since I'll be nice & well-rested)! Since the lady told me I could be screwing up my liver with taking iron tablets, I'm ceasing those. But I'll probably take omega-3's, ginkgo (maybe? I think my memory is getting worse but I don't want my blood to get all thin & whatnot), B complex, and MAYBE a real woman's vitamin to see how this goes over. I think it might be time to give up on my gummi vites...sad but true :(
7. Flossing.
8. More social time! More fun things & seeing all the cool things there are out here on the West Coast. There's lots of fun stuff planned already, I need to be careful not to overwhelm myself (social situations are so anxiety provoking sometimes!!)
9. Drink more water! (64 oz a day?)

I think that's it? General life balance is what I'm heading for. Every now & then, I have a fleeting interest in finding a cute boy to go on fun dates with but that seems like it would take too much energy. Maybe spring quarter :) After I finish this post, I'm going to make my vision board as the next step in this awesome life process

Slight rant before I continue this positivity movement: FREAKING STANFORD WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! Don't they know I have a credit card bill to pay off!? School supplies to buy!? Groceries to get!? Apparently, their system is "locking up" since I'm enrolled in two degree programs. Um, I'm almost positive I'm not the only one in Stanford history to ever get 2 degrees. WTF!? So mad, I had my whole day planned around making a cute, well-balanced grocery list & going to buy them and my school supplies today after I finished unpacking & making my vision board. #thanksatonLeland

Mmk I think that's it? For those not filled in on the boy information, all previous romantic interests (ranging from 7th grade until now) have been placed in the "Do Not Resuscitate" category (Too early in the quarter for medical jokes?) Miss you all!!!

<3 <3

Ooh also!

Would like to share 2 of my most favorite ads I've seen recently:

"Google can't satisfy every search"
(An ad at some "place of awakening" right up the street, particularly poignant given its location in Palo Alto)

"How would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?"
(An encouraging reminder to turn the lights off when leaving the rooms at Stanford)

With my limited advertising expertise, I give these both an A++ :)

FALL QUARTER:

Really hard.
Super stressful.
Finally over.

I've been thinking about what I can improve for next quarter but I think I need to take a complete mental break for a couple of days after I go home. Even thoughhhh I asked my PI to give me lots of papers to read & I ordered an 850 page book (The Biology of Cancer) to try and go through over the break...

...ok but seriously, I'm taking a break besides that! I just go crazy at home when there's nothing to do. Can't wait to lounge & see all the people I want to see.

Back to 24 on NetFlix! :)

1 exam down...

...2 to go. I think the first one went okay, I'm sending out all my good energy & hoping it comes back to me :) I have to finish my take-home final for genetics today & it's hard to get motivated right now. Somehow this Mike's hard (pink) lemonade ended up in my hands at 3 PM on a Monday? <3

Wahoooooo finals!!!!!!

People keep asking why I'm so cheery this week...I'm tricking myself into believing that finals are the best thing ever!! (Helps with avoiding the opposite feelings, of utter depression)

I'm feeling the good study vibes this week (probably due to all the lovely people I've asked to send good vibes my way, feel free to do this CONSTANTLY) & putting in 8 (...10? 12?) hour blocks of studying so this must be a good thing. I really want to do amazingly well on the exams, I miss that feeling :(

Back to the grind! I <3 FINALS

Road Trip!

Video of the road trip I made for Momma Williams over Thanksgiving :)

Feeling good, feeling great

Today has been a happy day...I was a groucho when I woke up this morning but several things have improved my mental state. We had a talk from a genetic counselor lady in Developmental Biology today about cystic fibrosis. The interesting thing about it (aside from her being a genetic counselor) was that she is 38 and has cystic fibrosis. The average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis patients (as of 2008, I think) is 37. I guess what struck me most about her talk (cuz I was sorta bored in the first half) was how she said "she takes life seriously". Not as in being a serious fun-sucker all the time but with enjoying absolutely every minute, since she expects that she'll die earlier than most people. It really hit home for me...as stressful as grad/med school is right now & as much information as I'm trying to fit in my head, I really should be actively enjoying life & everything around me. It's hard to remember that sometimes but I thought about today.

Teaching Splash this weekend (2 classes of 9th-12th graders, everyone made beautiful vision boards) really helped give me some perspective on how I am perceived rather than just how I perceive myself. They were asking questions like "How did you become successful?" and wanting general advice & it made me realize that I am (somewhat) qualified to answer a lot of those questions. As much as I feel like a complete failure sometimes (not to be self-deprecating, but that is seriously how it feels every now and then), I should appreciate the fact that I have gotten to experience a lot of cool things in my 22 years. I'm going to try to appreciate that more. ALSO got an email from Dr. W (Dr. Williams, Honors Program/Foundation Fellows director for the non-UGA peeps) about serving as a judge for the FF Interview weekend. How crazy!? Good to know that I've left some sort of legacy behind at UGA, though weird that I'm now in a position to "judge" whether other people are qualified for FF. Excited about that!

I'm also really grateful for the friends I have...I've had lots of ups & downs lately and some of my friends are going through downs right now and it's just nice to know that there are certain people I'll always be able to count on & that I hope feel like they can count on me. AND nice to know the people that I shouldn't rely on. I think both are equally important . I've been talking with my friend Alison about it a lot lately (she's probably the person that I'm closest to here & it's nice to be able to be totally weird & go through the ups and downs with someone in a similar educational and social predicament) & it just astounds me how people here can say one thing and act the complete opposite way. There are only so many people you can let into your inner circle & I'm fortunate to have found a special few.

All in all, a pretty good day. Though I have a ton of stuff to get done tonight (!!!) Hip hop class in an hour - off to try and read two papers for genetics before then!

<3

Exhausted.

Barely passed biochem. So did everyone else. Spent a whole week making my sheets for the exam & they weren't even helpful. :/
I'm glad our (not-so-effective) prof wrote the test on things we didn't focus on in class.!!

So tired this week. With the biochem catastrophe plus the class sickness (part 2) going around again, I am 1000% worn out.

Can't wait for Thanksgiving. Seeing family/friends will be good but mostly for the break...

Lab is great. I've been so busy that I can't spend the time there that I want to. Looove my PI <3

I think I'm going to go to sleep...It's 8:15 but my mind feels like it's 3:00 AM tonight.

Better updates to come later!

Weekend Montage

Here's a series of pictures to describe the past week/weekend (and/or document my complete boredom with biochemistry...) All my greatest OCD fantasies have been fulfilled with studying for this test...

We also went out last night, met a cute boy :) Sleep time, biochem final in the morning!!

PS: Who knew the thermal camera on my iMac was totally legit?!

WTF

I'm pretty sure guys think I'm stupid. Just gchatted with Most Recent (Older) Georgia Guy & I think he's fooled himself into believing that he put in 100% effort when I was in GA. And that we're going to be together since he was so good to me. That would be great!

...except he wasn't nice. WTF?! I didn't forget about the millions of times you didn't text me back or do what you said you would when I was in Athens. Unfortunately for you, I'm not slow & not really forgetful. Don't understand men!!!

In other news, I love lab. Poppa Williams is doing okay. Biochem final on Monday. My girls are coming to visit Cali in a couple of weeks!! Finally got my new bookbag in the mail. I won a $50 iTunes gift card! Most of those things (i.e, not the biochem final but everything else)=Happy Jazz. Love being happy jazz :)

Off to study AKA make a cheat sheet since that's what our profs want us to do for this final. I think it's silly...I'll post a pic of one of my cheat sheets when I'm done. It's muy intricate.

<3