Hallelujah!

The week is looking up :) Still 10 million things to do, but I feel much better about all of them now. So updates from the last post:

1. Still have to apply for NSF but I don't have to worry so much about my Stanford recommender anymore after talking to my program director which is nice. I still need to get everything together for it though...I'm also applying for the Ford Foundation Fellowship so maybe one of them will work out?

2. Got an email at 1:22 this morning from my dream PI saying "Welcome to the lab!" WAHOOOO!!! I guess I was going through some screening process I was unaware of but they must like me at least a little bit. So excited! I'm hopefully starting work this week. Can.Not.Wait.!! I really love the work they're doing & I'm just anxious to be a lab rat again.

3. Moonlighting was pretty awesome! So fun hanging out with everyone as usual, a few drunken mishaps but nothing major...overall wonderful :) I'll post a pic at the end of this

4. Just got back from brunch & grocery shopping...it's rainy outside today so I'm not feeling like going to the potluck for BGSA & I didn't end up going to the Shaking the Foundations thing for the law school since I was pretty busy Friday & Saturday. (By busy, I partially mean napping...)

5. Generally feel much happier & back in balance again...what a nice feeling :) Here's to trying to keep that up throughout the week

Good times! Off to try & get work done before the napping feelings take over. Adios <3

Don't you love it when...

...your week completely implodes? No? Me neither...

Summary of this week's events:
1. Found out I'm REQUIRED to apply for an NSF graduate fellowship this year. Not strongly encouraged. Not "You're a great applicant, you should definitely do it". R-e-q-u-i-r-e-d. By the Cancer Biology program. Ooh, also? IT'S DUE IN A MONTH. Not happy about this, especially since I'm not even on the Cancer Biology training grant!! I wouldn't even be saving them money by winning the fellowship. Moving on...

2. Still not working in lab. I'm ultra-sensitive about this right now. I went to meet with the lab manager in the lab I realllyyyy want to be in & basically told them that I would do whatever they need me to be doing. They're being really deliberate & considerate of my currently busy schedule & want to make sure I have a good experience which is great but I just want to be working again! One of my fellow MOM students made me feel so bad about it today...she was like "How's your rotation going?" I told her that I hadn't officially started in the lab yet & she slowly looked at her watch and goes "Oh...isn't it the third week of the quarter already?" GAHHHH YES I KNOW THIS WOMAN!! She's also Singaporean (sp?), spent time at Oxford & is generally socially strange. Her introduction to this conversation with me was "Well, no one is talking to me & everyone wants to be talking to you so I'm coming over here". Should have seen something ridiculous coming...I should have taken it with a grain of salt but it really got under my skin.

3. Guy in my class that's randomly been doing awkward things/saying awkward things? He has a girlfriend! Recently discovered by everyone in the class. That makes so many of our interactions so freaking inappropriate & I am not happy that I was involuntarily (in terms of ignorance, not being coerced into doing anything) involved in this breach of relationship contract. Ugh! Future plans include ignoring him indefinitely.

4. Guy from middle school/high school that came back full force over Christmas? HEYYY he sent me a little textie last night. Of course! Convo:

- Him: Can you believe it's about to be a year? I just drove past waffle house and thought about you.
*Jazz Thoughts: So glad I remind you of WaHo? Classyyyy...

- Me: :) you confuse me BP...I never understood your thoughts on the whole situation since you like to keep things mysterious.

-Him: I do and I'm really kicking myself for that now. *shrug* :)
*Jazz Thoughts: I don't understand why you're not more apologetic about this...

-Me: Mystery is overrated dude, you were supposed to be the honest one? :(

-Him: It's funny cause I want to be to you. Not for anyone else though. I just got into the habit of mysteriousness. I don't always mean to do it.
*Jazz Thoughts: Aww, so sweet!!! Wait, not sweet. NOT sweet. You're the one that keeps saying you're going to do something & then not doing it.

- Him: When are you going to be in GA again?
*Jazz Thoughts: Trouble.

- Me: Mm either way, you're equally good at it...I'll be home for Thanksgiving definitely, hopefully Christmas too

- Him: Nice. Alright. It's mad early/late. Peace
*Jazz Thoughts: Oh my freaking gee you're the one that texted me fool! Way to insert yourself into my life again & leave quickly againnnn

- Me: Bye [name has been redacted from the text record]

Overall thoughts about this: WTF?!

5. The redeeming fact for this week so far - I did sign up to teach a class at this event they have every year called SPLASH! My class is on making vision boards & I'm hoping it will be super productive, both for me & for the little kiddies I'll be teaching for a day. I'm really excited about it.



Predictions for the rest of this week's events:
1. Severeeeee alcoholism. (!!!)
2. Formal! I'm actually excited. I think it will be really beautiful, even though there's also this drama swirling. We're going to dinner before with 30 people. Geez! I'm excited to wear my dress, hopefully I'll be feeling like a pretty pretty princess (Kaiya style)
3. A few cute things this weekend besides formal - a brunch with mi amiga que habla espanol y otros companeros and also a potluck at one of the girls' houses who is in BGSA. So cultural! I need to expand past my Asian boundaries lol...also a conference w/ the law school called Shaking the Foundations that should have a few interesting panels and delicious food!
4. I think I'm going to try and reserve tomorrow for restoring sanity. It's time to revamp jazzy maintenance days. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this yet - maybe a walk around The Dish or a delicious meal or a good movie. Something to get me back to my normal again. And hopefully also a little bit of productivity...I've felt so off this week & I hate that feeling.

Anyways, back to work now! I'm going to try & go to bed in the next hour or so, I think I need to be getting more sleep. Last thing - watch this video if you haven't seen it already, it's really great & I think he discusses a lot of the reasons why this recent wave of suicides is so devastating. As always with YouTube videos, ignore the comments below the video. So symptomatic of the problems we have in this country, people are nutso...

Lovesies!! <3

Kudos to You

I'm always in awe of people who can carry on entertaining, brief, non-awkward elevator conversations. Props Munger Mystery Boy!

Summary for the day:
1. Problem sets & quizzes galore...holy moly, there is a TON of homework I have due today.
2. Unexpected catch-up with a friend ;)
3. Grocery shopping at Trader Joe's
4. An awesome nap...I think I skip directly to REM sleep now which is stupendous (!!!)
5. A generally beautiful day

Awkward boy situation #1 is still in effect...there is another something weird happening with a different guy in the class which was in part initiated by alcohol but also feels more comfortable. (This could be due to the fact that the first guy does not say many words...) The 2nd guy just broke up with his girlfriend recently though so I must be wary of the rebound syndrome! Life is so ridiculous sometimes. & prom is this Saturday! It actually feels like 8th grade prom too, which is the strange part. & it's at the San Fran aquarium. This is my dress (except it's in gypsy pink!! I look weird in dark greys) I'm really excited, I think it will be nice and probably crazy too.

Last little piece of news - my research soulmate has yet to email me back to tell me that he loves me too...haha this feels so much like waiting around for a guy you like to text you back. Come on!! I'm ready to be in the lab again :( I've been meeting with other potential PI's when I already know my true love (I think)

Back to LOD scores...

<3

I believe in soulmates...

...at least for now, and by soulmates I mean those of the research variety. Oh em gee! I think these are easier to find than the romantic ones...since those may or may not exist ;)

I went in to meet with a professor today (this guy, Firdaus Dhabhar) & the meeting went superrrrr well. He basically brought up everything that I love & that I think is important in terms of science & life. He works on lots of things that I find interesting & that hit very close to home (breast cancer, immune function, stress, sleeping, translational research, working with mice, access to patient samples, mental health issues, etc etc) & I'm hoping/kinda thinking that...this might be my thesis lab?




WHOA DUDE. WHOA. Of course I have to wait & see how the actual rotation goes & there are a few details to work out but I don't know how all of the things I thought were important & the techniques and types of science I really want to learn could be integrated more seamlessly in another lab. He has moved to Stanford recently from Ohio so there is the concern that he doesn't have graduate students right now. That's not actually a huge concern, I think, because he was recruited here & has had graduate students in his lab previously. It's just been a time of transition with getting his animal facilities set up out here in Cali. I'm hopefully going to meet with some of the lab members relatively soon but I'm mucho excited!

Aside from the science, one of the things that really struck me about our meeting was how much he valued honesty & wanting to know things outside of my research interests. I really feel like I could be open with him & in times of vulnerability (which will certainly come as a graduate student), I think that's really critical for success in a program. We talked about everything from family stuff to integrating Western & Eastern methodologies with regards to science and medicine. Basically it was the perfect mix of all things jazz & I could not be more stoked. SCORE!!! I can not freaking wait to get back into lab

Other than that, I just watched the latest episode of Glee & it was tres emotional! Geez man, they should have given you a warning at the beginning of the episode or something. Off to be productive for the rest of the night!

kiss kiss :)

Girls' Boba tonight...

Revelations:
-Guys like the mysterious girls in our class.
-We all go through ups and downs & luckily they've been at different times so far so we can support each other
-I love my girls.

Follow-up discussion with Marky Mark:
-I need to find him a boy.
-He needs to help me (us?) stop being silly.

...and back to Advanced Genetics! Probably my least favorite thing to study this quarter :(

PS: We cut open a testicle today in anatomy. I also know more about sperm than I would have ever imagined possible from Developmental Biology. Maybe this is how they deal with the widespread sexual frustration in med school? Just talk about sex ALL.THE.TIME.!! In class. Sneaky!

Proof!

...that I still have hair, a tendency for red eye & ridiculous amounts of fun at themed parties :)

It's Friday?!

The weekends feel so much different here - we're either going out like crazy (see last week's party bus trip to San Fran) or planning to spend our lives studying in LKSC. I think this weekend may be a more balanced one. Today has been a great day...review session this morning, one class, lunch w/ the Black Graduate Students' Association (BGSA), nap, studying, Q&A session with my regular group + 2, dinner with one of my favorite guys in the class (there were two guys there, but I especially love one) & going to see The Social Network in a couple of hours.

I really loved the dinner conversation I had tonight with my previously mentioned amazing friend...he's from Georgia as well (Conyers, actually) & went to Harvard for undergrad & really interested in neuroscience-y things. So he told me about this research that he's getting set up to work with prisoners & the idea that their reward systems have been completely skewed their entire lives so their pleasure now hinges on the actual acquisition of material goods (i.e, the thrill is no longer in the chase like it is for a lot of people). He also told me about some cool neuro studies they've done with decision making & the idea that your conscious decision is made after the neurological processes to enact that decision has already been triggered. Blablabla science jargon, but basically that threatens the idea of free will. Right? We think we're deciding but the decision is made & the set of stimuli that go into making that decision are actually the decisive agent, not you as an autonomous individual.

I guess this stuck with me for two reasons -
1) I am absolutely in admiration of people who are incorporating all their passions into their careers. I think it's amazing & amazingly difficult to do. There are so many things I'm interested in (advances in cancer research, incorporation of faith into treatment regimes, women's issues, how to promote minority access to the latest developments in health, a few other things I think) & I don't know how to begin working that into my graduate training. Of course you're meant to use this 4(..5..6?) years to really become a good scientist & to learn how to think, which is critical. But I also want to think about how to live a completely fulfilled life, and I think incorporating all your passions into your work (which I think defines your life's purpose in a lot of ways, or at least it should) is essential for that. So the conversation made me think towards how I can do that for myself.
2) If free will is a rational reaction to human existence (like I think religion is in a lot of ways), then feeling guilty is pointless! Small fact, I know, but that combined with a few other conversations I've had this week was a really interesting thought.

Said friend (his name is Mark, I feel like I should maybe stop calling him friend) also helped me untangle some of the things I've been thinking about a particular guy. He's super perceptive & really interested in human behavior (hence the neuro stuff) so I told him about everything that's been happening with this guy & was more honest than I think I've been with anything else about why I've been reacting certain ways and he helped me get down to the roots of my behavior. Bleh! Scary, but necessary. Love that guy ;)

Alsoooo the lunch with BGSA was really nice...that's something that I kind of avoided in undergrad for a lot of reasons (mostly for the effect that has on your social network & how much you have to consider your "reputation") but it's definitely something I want to get involved with more here. I met a few cool people but just like a lot of these introductory events I've been going to, people tended to stick around the people they already knew. Which is totally fine & reasonable but it makes it difficult to get to know people who aren't in the School of Medicine. I love my classmates but...I need more people. LOL

Mm I think that's it? Really loving my hip-hop class...the freedom & distraction of movement is a nice complement to the tedium of classes. Plus a great workout! My abs have been sore for two weeks straight..I'm also going to get my hair done in San Fran tomorrow & really hoping it doesn't fall out. Bald Jazz <<<< Jazz with hair

Time for ze movieee! Interesting too, since Mark Zuckerberg can't live more than 15 minutes away from me & I'm going to see a movie about his life. Weird stuff

Miss you people! <3