The weekends feel so much different here - we're either going out like crazy (see last week's party bus trip to San Fran) or planning to spend our lives studying in LKSC. I think this weekend may be a more balanced one. Today has been a great day...review session this morning, one class, lunch w/ the Black Graduate Students' Association (BGSA), nap, studying, Q&A session with my regular group + 2, dinner with one of my favorite guys in the class (there were two guys there, but I especially love one) & going to see The Social Network in a couple of hours.
I really loved the dinner conversation I had tonight with my previously mentioned amazing friend...he's from Georgia as well (Conyers, actually) & went to Harvard for undergrad & really interested in neuroscience-y things. So he told me about this research that he's getting set up to work with prisoners & the idea that their reward systems have been completely skewed their entire lives so their pleasure now hinges on the actual acquisition of material goods (i.e, the thrill is no longer in the chase like it is for a lot of people). He also told me about some cool neuro studies they've done with decision making & the idea that your conscious decision is made after the neurological processes to enact that decision has already been triggered. Blablabla science jargon, but basically that threatens the idea of free will. Right? We think we're deciding but the decision is made & the set of stimuli that go into making that decision are actually the decisive agent, not you as an autonomous individual.
I guess this stuck with me for two reasons -
1) I am absolutely in admiration of people who are incorporating all their passions into their careers. I think it's amazing & amazingly difficult to do. There are so many things I'm interested in (advances in cancer research, incorporation of faith into treatment regimes, women's issues, how to promote minority access to the latest developments in health, a few other things I think) & I don't know how to begin working that into my graduate training. Of course you're meant to use this 4(..5..6?) years to really become a good scientist & to learn how to think, which is critical. But I also want to think about how to live a completely fulfilled life, and I think incorporating all your passions into your work (which I think defines your life's purpose in a lot of ways, or at least it should) is essential for that. So the conversation made me think towards how I can do that for myself.
2) If free will is a rational reaction to human existence (like I think religion is in a lot of ways), then feeling guilty is pointless! Small fact, I know, but that combined with a few other conversations I've had this week was a really interesting thought.
Said friend (his name is Mark, I feel like I should maybe stop calling him friend) also helped me untangle some of the things I've been thinking about a particular guy. He's super perceptive & really interested in human behavior (hence the neuro stuff) so I told him about everything that's been happening with this guy & was more honest than I think I've been with anything else about why I've been reacting certain ways and he helped me get down to the roots of my behavior. Bleh! Scary, but necessary. Love that guy ;)
Alsoooo the lunch with BGSA was really nice...that's something that I kind of avoided in undergrad for a lot of reasons (mostly for the effect that has on your social network & how much you have to consider your "reputation") but it's definitely something I want to get involved with more here. I met a few cool people but just like a lot of these introductory events I've been going to, people tended to stick around the people they already knew. Which is totally fine & reasonable but it makes it difficult to get to know people who aren't in the School of Medicine. I love my classmates but...I need more people. LOL
Mm I think that's it? Really loving my hip-hop class...the freedom & distraction of movement is a nice complement to the tedium of classes. Plus a great workout! My abs have been sore for two weeks straight..I'm also going to get my hair done in San Fran tomorrow & really hoping it doesn't fall out. Bald Jazz <<<< Jazz with hair
Time for ze movieee! Interesting too, since Mark Zuckerberg can't live more than 15 minutes away from me & I'm going to see a movie about his life. Weird stuff
Miss you people! <3
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